mmcconkie's picture

Bottom Line: Sounds like a DISC conflict. There are a bunch of casts for that. Also, building a more effective relationship with your boss may help (Effective Relationships – I’m a C, My Boss is an I: Sounds like your co-worker is a high I (referring to the DISC profile). I recommend listening to some casts in the DISC series (you can find the series in the Map of the World - Relationships - DISC). I think that the How to Handle Conflict With a High I ( will be especially helpful. I'm guessing that you're a high C. I know it's frustrating for high I's and C's to work together, and I'm sorry for that. I am also a high I, so I hope to offer some insight as to why your co-worker does some things the way she does. If you're familiar with MT, you know that Mark and Mike talk about 2 things: results and relationships. Your co-worker being a high I will likely focus on relationships. It's why she talks to you so much, and eats up time in your day. I would expect that she also has worked to build a strong relationship with your boss, and that was a big factor for your boss when giving bonuses. You mentioned that she is still getting everything done (in just a few hours even), so it sounds like she is still delivering good results as well. If her results are on par with yours but her relationship with your boss is better than yours, I would expect her to continue to get more recognition from your boss. All in all, sorry there’s a personality conflict. The meeting issue sounds superficial, and MT recommends scheduling meetings in the morning anyway. Sorry she eats up time in your day with excess conversation – hopefully the conflict with high I podcast helps. Build a good relationship with your boss, and make sure he knows about your successes.

naep59's picture

Thanks for your advice.  You made a lot of really good points.  I've got some things to work on this year!

SuzanneB's picture

I think you have labeled your coworker with words that are inaccurate (based on your description). Probably because (as the previous poster said) you have a different DISC style. You assume "She would only do X (spend time in the mornings chit-chatting) if she were Y (lazy)." When the truth is she just has a different work style than you.

She's getting all her stuff done. She's getting stuff done the boss values. That doesn't sound like laziness just because she goes about it in a different way than you would.
What you call "bragging" she probably calls "conversations about work".

Since Results and Relationships go hand in hand it's generally in effective to focus on one to the detriment of the other. It sounds like your coworker has found a balance of the two that your boss appreciates. And it sounds like you are putting emphasis on results at the expense of the relationships - with your coworker and your boss. If your coworker is getting stuff done that your boss cares about then that will "win" over getting twice as much done that your boss isn't invested in every time.

You might do well to plan some time in your day for non-work-related chatter with her. Don't schedule it or make it formal but know that you are going to devote 10 minutes (or 15 or 5 or 30) to casual conversation. Start off the day with her with a "how was your weekend?". Spend 10 minutes chatting and then politely say "I really have to get focused on X project - let's catch up again later".This will fulfill her need to connect without overtaking the entire day.

naep59's picture

You're right.  I'm not using what I know about the DISC styles.  Thank you for your insight.  I really like what you said about results and relationships and you're right - I'm only focused on the results.  This really helped me see my situation in a different light.