Hello-
I'm a realitvely new manager and just want to get some thoughts on this. My employee just shared with me this morning that her son passed away over Christmas. She is obviously devestated. I've offered her all of my support and have told her that any time she needs off, extra breaks...etc I would make sure would be taken care of.
Is there anything else to do in these situations?
There's a cast (two-parter)
There's a cast (two-parter) for that, that will help you a lot:
http://www.manager-tools.com/2007/06/managing-through-a-personal-crisis…
http://www.manager-tools.com/2007/06/managing-through-a-personal-crisis…
There's another two-parter for the direct, too, though I don't suggest having her listen to it in the middle of this. I'd suggest you listen to it instead, and see if you can make use of any of that too to help her.
Having been through a bit of a personal crisis - not that bad, but I was hospitalized for several days and took several more weeks before I could be back at work even half-time - I can say that one of the keys in here is coverage of the work. It helped me a LOT to know that people were covering my work when I wasn't there; I didn't feel guilty about not working as much when, well, realistically I couldn't. In her case, she will probably have some times where she's perfectly normal, if a bit down, and others where she just can't function period. Knowing that on those days you and her coworkers have figured out how you'll divvy up the work to cover her may help a lot. You can say 'any time you need you can get', and that helps; it will also help a lot to hear 'Just let either me or Jane know if you can't come in. Jack will cover your work with customer X, and Jill will cover your work on project Y.'
And, if she tells you when the funeral is, ask her if you can attend. (If she asks you to go, just say yes, of course I'll go.)
Get a card and pass it around the team. If there's a place to send flowers, or gifts-in-lieu-of, tell the team that if they want to donate, they can. (If you've listened to the DISC stuff; If you're not a high S and you've got a high S on your team, it may be good to ask them to help with this.)
Also, check with your HR. They may have a standard response from the company as a whole - mine has sent flowers and/or a card, for instance. If there IS a company response, still do your own - the company is one thing, but the team is another thing entirely. If there's an Employee Assistance Program as part of your benefits, HR will have the information for it. (I think the EAP is talked about in the manager casts I linked to above.)
Let her know you care about her well being above anything else
Sorry to hear that. I read once one advice on what to do for people going through a crisis: "Asking if there is anything you can do to help doesn't work (people are so devastated they lack the energy even to ask for help) you need to just do things you can do and you know will help." For example bring her lunch,.... I went through a crisis myself although no way as serious and I couldn't have gone through it without time off from work. But people are different, I think some would probably need to be at work. What helped me was to know I had my boss's comprehension and unconditional support when I was away from work. What didn't help me was over protection when I was at work. I needed the challenges and I didn't want to feel like I couldn't perform or feel I was underperforming when I was at work. It is a fine balance for the boss, but most important was to know others care about my well being above anything else.
Death of a child
This happened to my wife and me in 1981. My boss let me alone for a long time and my work suffered. When I move on to my next position I was severely handicapped--my work product was horrible. I have been fighting that ever since. When I got to the next job and the new boss figured he got a 50% worker, he called me in for a come to Jesus meeting. Thankfully, he was able to help me through.
What I learned from that experience was that if I ever was in a managerial position I would not let that happen to people entrusted to me. It is not my style to be open and carrying but I have made the effort to be caring in the face of personal crisis for my directs. I am still not as good as I want to be and I depend on my wife to remind me to be more caring.
As a manager of this person, I would be consistent in my expectations once the lady gets back to work. I would be sharing my story and explaining what happened to me is not what I want for her job experience. It will be your job to help lift her up when things are bad--and they will be.
The grieving process takes about a year to go through. Take some time to learn about it. Watch for how she starts back and what her productivity is. It might be you need to help do a jump start. If she goes toward being a workaholic you will have to watch that. Both are normal responses. Don't think that if her performance is good that she is doing fine. There is a lot of coping that. Is going on in her life that you will have to account for. Work hard to keep her on balance, let her be human and encourage her to keep going.
You do this, you will be her hero and you will have a loyal worker forever.
Also, if you are doing 1:1's you can use the time to gauge where she is.
Don't EVER think she is getting over the death of her son. She will never get over the loss but she will learn to move on. You have a very special job ahead of you. This will be your toughest and most rewarding job as a manager.
Thanks
Thank you all for your suggestions. It is just so extremely sad and I almost cried as she told me. I've offered her all of my support and made sure her bereavement leave was all set up and ready to go for her.
I've already arranged for flowers to be sent and I'm just making I check on her and let her know we've got it covered if she needs to step a way.
I've worked with her for a long time (prior to me becoming her sup) and I know how much she loved him. Its just so sad.
cultural background- team support
i learned this very recently that this is one of the most difficult situations that managers face.
I am coming from a culture in which the death of someone touches everyone. in this regard, we don't allow the mourning family to be alone in the first few days after the death.
however, I work as a manager in a diff rent cultural environment which doesn't have this custom. nonetheless, when i encountered this situation ,i wanted to keep this way of having the team supporting the person in his\her time of need.
therefore, i simply turned to the person and asked him if he allows me to share these terrible news with the team. the person agreed and i shared these news on the following way:
i placed everyone in the team including HR and Senior management in the To field ( no DL!)
i have placed the person who experienced the death of his closed one in the CC field.
my message was 3 lines:
Dear all
It is in deepest sorrow that we have received the news from ......... on the loss of his\her beloved one, ........
In this time of deep mourning and heavy grief, we stand behind ........ in love and support.
On behalf of the team, our deepest condolences to .........
after this the team including the managers is keeping an eye for the person and supporting him as best as they can. for example taking his lunch breaks or shifting flexibilities etc.