In my blog, I sometimes write about communication. I had a great comment that was: What can I do to move up the conversation with someone that is not used to listen?

Here is what I answered in [url= post:

* [b]think at what YOU can do to move up the conversation[/b]. Saying: please could you please pay more attention or something like that is not working! If this one-on-one is going to change is because you will do something different;

* [b]try in a better moment:[/b] probably your counterpart is not used to listen but sometimes is more open or available. So stop the discussion and try in a better moment;

* [b]use her behavioral model[/b]: if she is mainly Visual, try to catch her attention saying something that is meaningful for her model. Something like: Bob, I'd like to clarify this and that. I'll show you xxx so you'll be able to see ... (read this and this for further info on behavioral models)

*[b]change the 'status' of the meeting[/b]: use your fantasy. Take a break. Jump. Fall down and simulate an accident. It's useful if you two can drink some water, have a little walk and breath fresh air. Also changing the heart rate for a small amount of time can help;

* [b]be in rapport[/b]: if you have ever heard about NLP (Neuro Linguistic Programming) you know what ‘be in rapport’ means. If you are not familiar with this concept, it is that feeling of being ‘in sync’ with someone. What the NLP guys say is that you can train yourself so that it’s easier for you to be in rapport with people. The purpose (among others) is to establish a better communication channel between individuals to have a more effective communication;

* [b]ask questions[/b]: especially if you are 'in sync' with your counterpart, you can try to start asking questions. Questions that can lead her toward the solution.

These are some ideas I had. I'd really love to have feedback and ideas on this topic.


BradK's picture

Hi PierG,

In refenrence to the comment of "moving up the conversation" I'd like to suggest a different wording for the sentence to make it more clear. Please correct me if I'm wrong but it sounds like what you're saying is "How can I increase communication with someone who is not listening to our conversation?"

If this is correct, I'd like to add this to your list:

Have the person you're trying to communicate with repeat what you're saying. You can accomplish this not by confronting them in a challenge but by asking questions that force the person to reply with an understanding of what you said.

Also, I'd like to understand the part about jumping and simulating an accident. I'm afraid that if I were to start jumping or falling in a meeting I may be treated with a little more "caution" from everyone else! In your translation, do you mean literally jumping and falling or am I missing something?

PierG's picture

thank you for your reply and excuse me for my bad english.
The comment was about someone that's usually not very 'open' to listen to people during conversations as an habit.
About the 'jumping' thing, I was kind of kidding. The idea behind it is 'change the status' also using your immagination.

BradK's picture

That's no problem and no need to apologize - I just wanted to make sure I understood correctly.


Mark's picture
Admin Role Badge


You can't change her. You can only change your approach to her. Two things I would do is:

1. Talk about things that are important to her.

2. Talk about them in ways that she can understand (using DiSC, for instance).

If that doesn't work, I would (to some degree) cut my losses.