Nice work keeping this topic to one podcast. Here's what I got out of it -
Bottom Line Up Front[/b]
1. Use the feedback model regarding their ineffective conflict behavior and then follow-up in your next 1-on-1.
2. Don't bring the two direct reports together at the same time in your office.
[b]Why We Get it Wrong[/b]
• We focus on the conflict or drama
• We make it too personal. It’s about the behavior. People aren’t bad. They’re good people engaging in ineffective behavior.
• We punish people for it
• We don’t see ourselves making this mistakes
How to Do it Right[/b]
Decide to act or not to act. Don’t act-
o If it’s a minor conflict
o If doesn’t involve your high performers
o If it’s not a recurring problem
If you do act, frame your view of the conflict
“I think you’re good member of team. I care about AND this behavior is ineffective. What can you do about it?”
o Feedback about the conflict behavior
“When you don’t reply to Sally’s email she thinks you don’t want to work with her, that you’ve checked out of this project.
The fastest way to defuse a conflict.
o If you ask people, “What can you do differently?” Most people will say, “I need to apologize.”
o “I consider this the problem resolved.”
o The work
Follow-up in you’re our next 1-on-1[/b]
“Hey last week you and Sally got into. You both said you would apologize. What’s the status?”
Wow, those look EXACTLY like my notes. I should have just waited and someone would have posted them here... :-)
Seriously, I always knew I was one of the worst people at conflict resolution. I'm in the middle of a family of 9. I saw conflict and went in the other direction. Using this information from the cast is invaluable. It may be a little awkward and mechanical for me at first, but much like the performance reviews, I'm sure I'll hear that voice that sounds a lot like Mark Horstman whispering in my ear and everything will come out fine.
Chuck - Ha! Great minds think alike. I hate conflict too. One thing that has helped me is to think in terms of "Pinch vs. Crunch." When I feel the pinch of a conflict I tell myself do something now before I feel the "crunch."