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 Hey everyone,

I have been doing one-on-ones for the past 3+ years and have had amazing success with them. Although there was some initial pushback from some of my directs, I now find that all my directs WANT and appreciate one-on-ones. 

The problem is my boss. I have communicated in the past how valuable these O3's are and he politely shakes his head and thinks that meeting each week is too much. Who has the time? I have politely listened and explained how valuable I find them and then continued with the O3's

My issue now is with a new direct who approached my boss after I sent my initial email request to set-up a one-on-one with her. BTW, the email was basically copied from the MT template. She called my boss and said that she did not like to be managed and that she would do much better if I just left her alone. (She is in a remote location 6 hours drive away and I visit there about every 4-6 weeks).

Now, I can handle the direct on this issue, but my boss AGREED with her and actually made a joke out of it and said "So, I guess I will be calling you every week to discuss this issue now... ha ha". He told me this and then suggested that she really didn't need to be managed like this.

I am certain that my boss was in no way intending to undermine me by his actions. He is a very good and well-respected manager and has been very good and supportive to me. He also regards me highly.  I believe that he was just attempting to lighten the situation with the direct.

So, how do I communicate to him that I want his support and that I do not appreciate him undermining me with my direct like this? Or do I just let it go? My concern is that we are creating a bit of a prima-donna with this employee (there are several other issues) and of all the directs that I have (17) SHE is the one that NEEDS the most managing!

For reference, I am the vice-president and manager of 3 branches of an international Wealth Management firm. 17 directs that I do O3's with and 30+ total staff in 3 remote locations.

Help!

 

 

 

 

acao162's picture

I'd start with the reminder that you can't manage your boss.  Depending on your relationship, you might let him know that you felt unsupported, particularly because you are already having problems with your direct report.  Having him appear "on her side" makes your job harder.

Remind yourself that you are the manager & you can insist on a weekly meeting.  Does it need to be an O3 in the strict sense?  No.  You can call it a check-in, an update meeting or whatever.  The point is, she might be unwilling to share her personal stuff but work is work.  In my own experience, the personal stuff can come immediately, in the long run or never.  It is a meeting about the employee, even if it is phrased as an update.

I have used this time with a problem direct to get updates then do a few minutes of coaching/encouraging.  We still take the 30 minutes.  It is still her time to use.  If she wants to talk about family, ok.  If she wants to talk about work for 3.5 minutes and then has nothing else to contribute, I try to teach her a new technique, give her some positive feedback, relay company info or show her how to correct an error I noticed.  I try to keep it focused on what will get her promoted or at least a raise!  It isn't as effective as a proper O3 but because everyone else gets 30 minutes of my time per week, I want her to have that too.

I think you are taking this incident a little personally, as you know your boss doesn't see the value in O3s.  Do you have any metrics you can share?  Perhpas some of your team have been promoted earlier than expected?  An improved working relationship between adversarial co-workers?  Better information sharing?  Higher levels of efficiency, compared to other branches?  Employee satisfaction surverys?  Look at what has improved since you started them & share that.  You boss may never see the value for himself but might appreciate the results you generate.

naraa's picture
Training Badge

 Mattman, if i were you i would just forgive my boss on it and just let it go.  If you have 17 directs and you are doing one-on-ones with them for three years you will do o3's with her as well.  It will just take longer.  I would just let it go for a while, do the updates with her as acao162 suggest, develop the relationship with her and soon enough you will be having o3's.

If your boss does not agree with the o3's but has not interfere with them for the past three years i would also risk reading his joke as a joke to her please not to bother him with respect to that every week.  it is un unfortunate joke, but you probably read him right as him trying to lighten the issue.  If that is the case, don't make it heavy.  Time is needed to sort it out.

If you do argue the issue with your boss, explain to him that 03 are your way of making sure you deliver the results, you understand not everybodies, but you need it, ten ask your support on it.

Nara

uncleauberon's picture

 MattMan.

I got a similar experience earlier this month.

My Boss challenged me to be a better manager last month. And after a month long of listening to _Manager Tools_ , I told her I wanted to do One-on-Ones.   She told me that this was too formal and that it would be unwelcome and too stressful for my Directs.

She said that One-on-Ones are more suited to my style of doing things and not necessarily my Directs.  That I need to modify my management style to them and that I should be more like her.  I need to walk around and chit chat with my directs to get to know them.  Not have regularly, formally scheduled weekly meetings.

Yeah, I was basically told _not_ to do One-on-Ones.

She asked me how I would measure effective improvement ? - and I really wasn't sure what to tell her.  Most of my directs are high performers who everyone is happy with.

I was even discouraged from having weekly staff meetings with my sub-department.

We have large Dept. Meetings (15 people) each week and I was told this should be enough for my folks, too.

When I started asking for updates, accomplishments, collaborations, radar, and results from each of my people in the meeting - my Boss told me that was a waste of time in her meeting and I should have a separate sub-departmental meeting just before of right after her larger Dept. meeting.  But, not on a different day or at a different time.  

This was a compromise on her part - I think just to make be happy.  

She told me that she didn't want to waste staff member's time with unproductive useless meetings.

I'm trying to do the Chit-Chat thing and then run back to my desk to take notes.

It's the closest thing I can get to One-on-Ones for now.

Good luck

 

dschreiber's picture
Training Badge

It's one of the hardest lessons to learn. Let it go. Especially in an area where you probably feel the criticism of your management style is unwarranted and maybe a little bit of a personal attack. It also sounds like you probably spend more time working on improving your skills as a manager than your boss (or he would have had a more constructive conversation with you about it).

The bottom line here is that you don't have to address your boss' comment. It doesn't sound like it was anything but an ill advised comment. Trying to handle an inappropriate escalation around you by your direct. You can ignore it, or say "I will handle it." Your relationship with your boss sounds like it will totally handle that little pinch without needing to further hash it out.

You're not far enough into your relationship to give negative feedback to your direct. When you are, you will totally want to give feedback if that kind of escalation happens again. It's a terrible move for your direct and doesn't do anything to help that person in the eyes of your boss. Imagine if you keep having O3s and your direct keeps escalating around you. Who does that look bad on - you for setting up 30 minutes with your direct to get to know that person, or the person who complains inappropriately around the chain of command. And the only other option is to *not* do O3 with this one direct and then you *never* get to build that relationship and help that person grow.

Do the O3 meeting. Help your direct get better. It's the right choice even if your boss doesn't see it right now.

duplicate_account_MarkAus's picture

Here's the thing - I haven't heard anyone say there would be punishment if they went ahead and did O3s anyway.  I also haven't heard anyone say their boss specifically used the language "Don't do this."   They may have suggested you don't, but that doesn't mean you need to take the suggestions on board (provided you're prepared to live with the consequences).

Maybe my experience is unique but I haven't met a boss who would undermine their manager to such an extent that the manager wasn't allowed to at least TRY it their way first (especially if it was already working for 17 other members of the team!).

Maybe the "brand" of O3s are now tarnished in your departments.  So rebrand it - call it something else and move forward.

Sure, you need to be prepared to answer any questions and defend your actions.  But thinking those through will only take a couple hours and then you'll be ready to handle objections.

Also take note of your successes with this and make sure the boss knows about them when she asks how the team is going.   "Well, boss, during our weekly updates I told X that she need to achieve Y.  We discussed options and she came up with action Z and that's working really well.   We've improved Y by XX% this month.  Its always good to make time to sit and discuss these issues."

My boss does quarterly O3s (not MT style) with me.  He thought the weekly O3s I did with my directs were unusual, but he couldn't dispute them once I turned around a disfunctional department and helped save the jobs of two underperformers.   Results and retention are the ultimate defence of any management practice.   If I'd listened to his suggestions that weekly was too much, I doubt these improvements would have happened as fast. (And my life would have been a lot harder for longer!)

 

 

naraa's picture
Training Badge

 Mattman, if i were you i would just forgive my boss on it and just let it go.  If you have 17 directs and you are doing one-on-ones with them for three years you will do o3's with her as well.  It will just take longer.  I would just let it go for a while, do the updates with her as acao162 suggest, develop the relationship with her and soon enough you will be having o3's.

If your boss does not agree with the o3's but has not interfere with them for the past three years i would also risk reading his joke as a joke to her please not to bother him with respect to that every week.  it is un unfortunate joke, but you probably read him right as him trying to lighten the issue.  If that is the case, don't make it heavy.  Time is needed to sort it out.

If you do argue the issue with your boss, explain to him that 03 are your way of making sure you deliver the results, you understand not everybodies, but you need it, ten ask your support on it.

Nara