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Nice simple cast.

I was hoping though for some more examples of how to handle given situations. Felt it focused only on the ideal example, and could have gone into some disaster scenarios and extraction techniques.

For example, it was mentioned that it's OK to ask someone's surname, but what does that sound like in practice? eg. I'm sure this isn't the way -

[i]Ally have you met Noah... err... dude what IS your surname again?![/i]

Also, the cast only touched briefly on what I figure is the single biggest problem - people not making introductions because they don't know the person's name they're talking to.

I frequently end up stuck in a conversational hole when I'm happily chatting to someone and then realise that I either never knew their name, or I've forgotten it, or a group I was in dissipated and left me with the one person I didn't know, etc. Inevitably, this is the exact moment that someone else walks up that I do know. I'd like to introduce them, but have no idea what one person's name is!! What is the most polite way to fix this situation?

Oh, and a neat technique that works for me. My partner and I are equally hopeless at recalling names, so whenever one of us is the third to join a conversation, we try to automatically introduce ourselves before the moment can get awkward. Works brilliantly. And I think it plays to Mark and Mike's comments - you do run a risk of mild embarrasment if you introduce yourself to someone you've actually already met and/or should know the name of, but that's far preferable to leaving your partner in the awkward position of not being able to introduce you because they've forgotten the person's name they're talking to.

Keep the etiquette casts coming by the way, they're some of my favourites!

Chris

TomW's picture

Sometimes honesty works, especially if it's the first time in your life you've ever met the person.

With a bit of a pained smile: "I'm so sorry, I've forgotten your name." Most people will smile back and remind you immediately.

gernot's picture

[quote="arc1"]My partner and I are equally hopeless at recalling names, [/quote]

That was the same thing I thought about myself couple of years ago, until I just started to say the names out loud or ask.

So it`s no just "Hi" anymore but "Hi, I can't recall your name. Would you please help me a little bit" "John", "Ok, hi John"

After that i make sure i write the name down so that i do NOT forget it another time.

So there is no such thing as "beeing bad at recalling names" it is just "bad at using names"

huntbk's picture

Yet another introduction question, from the perspective of the person being introduced.

One of the rules was "no nicknames," and if people followed that, it would be great. Many times, I am introduced by a nickname that I don't use and don't like.

How do I politely correct the introducer in front of other people? I'd rather do it immediately, but "Actually, I go by XXXXX" seems a bit rude.

gernot's picture

I like the "just ignore it" way of doing it.

The introducer says: "this is Bob"

You say: "Hi, Robert Smith"

tcomeau's picture

[quote="huntbk"]
One of the rules was "no nicknames," and if people followed that, it would be great. Many times, I am introduced by a nickname that I don't use and don't like.
[/quote]

I'm amazed daily that people do this. We have a senior person who always, I mean always, introduces herself as "Kathryn" but people insist on calling her and introducing her as "Kathy."

She's very classy, never makes an issue of it, but I still think people should get to pick how they are addressed. (Within reason.)

My last name is, I hear, easy to mispronounce. I'm often introduced as "Tom koh-MOH" (second syllable emphasis) and I'll just chuckle and say "Koh-Moh, actually. Rhymes with bureau." (no emphasis.) If they keep screwing it up, I usually let it slide, unless they've done something else to irk me.

I do insist that people pronounce it correctly for Teela. (I'm Teela's dad.) So I'll correct teachers, principals, salescritters, and one elected official. It probably says something that the elected official caught it right away, and she apologized to [i]Teela[/i]. :)

tc>
---
Tom Comeau
Regent to Her Imperial Majesty Teela, Queen of the Ball Worlds, Empress of the Arch of Heaven, Protector of the Ringworld Throne.

terrih's picture

[quote="tcomeau"][quote="huntbk"]Regent to Her Imperial Majesty Teela, Queen of the Ball Worlds, Empress of the Arch of Heaven, Protector of the Ringworld Throne.[/quote]

Wow! I curtsey humbly before her majesty! :lol:

drinkcoffee's picture

Tom is obviously a Niven fan. Teela Brown, indeed.

terrih's picture

Oh, THAT's what I remember that from! I read all those when I was a teenager. The "Teela Brown gene" made an impression. Remember "Safe at Any Speed"?

huntbk's picture

[quote="tcomeau"]I'm amazed daily that people do this. We have a senior person who always, I mean always, introduces herself as "Kathryn" but people insist on calling her and introducing her as "Kathy."

She's very classy, never makes an issue of it, but I still think people should get to pick how they are addressed. (Within reason.)

[/quote]

It is a very bad problem. I've introduced myself clearly with my full name, and had people come back less than a second later with, "Oh, nice to meet you nickname."

I try to be classy as well, but underneath I take note if they do it more than once. The underlying message is, "I don't care who you are."

When corrected, people have said to me, "Oh, I always forget your name" or "What difference does it make?"

tcomeau's picture

[quote="terrih"]Oh, THAT's what I remember that from! I read all those when I was a teenager. The "Teela Brown gene" made an impression. Remember "Safe at Any Speed"?[/quote]

Yes, and you have to read the whole series to get the whole story. I also find that people who have read [i]Protector[/i] figure out where [i]Ringworld Engineers[/i] is going. [i]Fleet of Worlds[/i] brings you all the way back.

But we do tell her she's named after the luckiest woman in Known Space.

tc>

suedavis's picture

Tom, did you ever play the tabletop RPG [i]Paranoia[/i]? There's another Teela prominently featured in that....

tcomeau's picture

[quote="futabachan"]Tom, did you ever play the tabletop RPG [i]Paranoia[/i]? There's another Teela prominently featured in that....[/quote]

No, I haven't. It's rather cool that Terri and drinkcoffee knew the Niven reference. Most people who have heard the name associate it with He-Man/Masters of the Universe franchise.

tc>

suedavis's picture

[quote="tcomeau"]It's rather cool that Terri and drinkcoffee knew the Niven reference.[/quote]

Any plans for sons named "Louis" and "Speaker?" :-)

tcomeau's picture

[quote="futabachan"]
Any plans for sons named "Louis" and "Speaker?" :-)[/quote]

If she'd been a boy, he probably would have been Louis James. But Teela's an only child, and will stay that way.

tc>

terrih's picture

[quote]It is a very bad problem. I've introduced myself clearly with my full name, and had people come back less than a second later with, "Oh, nice to meet you nickname."[/quote]

I sometimes have the opposite problem... people will call me Teresa. They assume "Terri" is short for Teresa. Nope, my birth certificate says "Terri."

I'm surprised people still make such an assumption in this day and age, when there are so many variations on names here in the U.S. and any of them might be someone's actual given name, not a nickname or diminutive... weird. :roll:

gchila's picture

That's a beautiful point Terri. I've learned over the years that many people are now properly named with what were once thought of as "nicknames." If someone introduces themselves as "Tom" I would never extrapolate that into "Thomas."

I would use it later in an email perhaps, but only if they sent some official correspondence referencing "Thomas" in the signature.

The bottom line is, people usually introduce themselves with the name the prefer to be called by. Use only that until you know them well enough to make a substitution.

Brian Suyat's picture

Please, if your nickname and your directory name (e-mail, phone, what they call me at the home office) is different. Help me win your professional name. OR Make your professional name consistent.

wendii_badUser's picture

Hi Chris,

We didn't include what to do when you've forgotten someone's name because there's already a cast for that!  It's here: https://www.manager-tools.com/2008/05/how-to-remember-names

And the etiquette ones are some of my favorites too.  Expect more!

Wendii