When I started with my organization, I would describe my manager as the master of people skills. She knew how to work with all personality types and could smooth over any rocky situation. As amazing as she was with people, she was completely ineffective as far as getting projects and tasks done.
This manager has since left the organization and her replacement is the complete opposite personality and management style. My current manager is very rough cut, not very nice and has a negative in the soft-skills department. The positive is that he is completely effective in "getting things done." His personality is very much the bully. He doesn't prefer to work things out in discussion. In fact, he has told me on numerous occasions not to ask questions as they create the perception of not being knowledgeable and essentially incompetent.
As difficult as he can be, I'm relieved to have an effective as opposed to a nice manager. However, I do find it challenging to deal with his inflated opinions and ego and inability to accept failure. Rather than coaching one through a difficult problem, his preference is to bark and demean. I've listened to the podcasts and have taken away the understanding that how I react to a person's behavior is MY reaction and has no bearing or reflection on that person but I'm having a difficult time handling this person's behavior. Are there any suggestions on how to alter my perception or ease the communication tension?
"the podcasts?"
I assume you've already listened to the "Angry and Demeaning Boss" podcasts? The advice in that series of casts is good.
At a certain point, there's not a lot you can do. You probably need to get your network and your resume in order.
John Hack
High Ds
I'll echo what John said and also recommend that you listen to the cast about working with High Ds. The best way to get on your boss's good side is to communicate with him in the way that is most comfortable to HIM. What that means:
There is a lot more great info in the casts about DiSC. I would never admit this out loud, but sometimes I prefer my DRs make decisions themselves rather than bombard me with questions. Asking questions is definitely not a sign of weakness or stupidity, but often I'll just bounce it back to them, "What do YOU think we should do?"
In that vein, go in with a solution and ask for approval. So instead of "The water filters didn't get here in time, what do you think we should do?" say "The water filters didn't get here in time so I'm going to call the shipper and put a rush on delivery and let the client know that we're behind a day. Are you okay with that?" Or whatever. Even if it's a question that you don't have an answer/solution for, I prefer my directs at least try to figure it out themselves.
Hang in there and good luck.
Bully for a boss
Hey there,
I just wanted to add to this conversation. I too have a bully for a boss. And it's beyond ego, arrogance and fear of failure. My VP is extremely duplicitous, and my even team feels we are working with a jekyl/hyde personality. That being said, I understand the need to change communication styles while working with him, and even take the necessary steps so that WE are not so frustrated by this behavior.
What I do NOT understand is why the responsibility to manage or reduce behavior is sole responsibility of the employee. Why do I need to brush my resume and network? Don't get me wrong, my Director has the same advice, "we need to put up or leave." I just find something wrong with this response. My VP is unethical, overbearing, and his actions/behaviors are in complete opposition of the very things he hammers me for. And I'm the one who must leave?
Right now I am trying to figure out the most politically correct way to draw attention to this behavior. The head of our orgnization resides in another country, and doesn't even like this VP, but is not necessarily aware how problematic the guy really is. I know it's a political landmind, but if one way or the other I am leaving; then is it wrong to stand up for employee rights? (ps; I have an HR background, so I am hyper sensitive to his behaviors).
Thoughts?
Two different Questions Here
SlStevens-
Everything you can do about this situation involves you policing your own mental and emotional state (unless you leave). We don't believe you'll have any success trying to get your boss to change. Learn from him how to get things done, and combine that with what I sense is your belief that you have better people skills than he does. Effectiveness and great people skills are likely to produce more of what managers produce: results!
Be thankful of the challenge, and be glad it's something you control - your response to him. When your challenges are all out of your control...that's hard work.
We'll keep you in our thoughts.
Paizleygirl-
No, it's not wrong to stand up for employee rights. It's enormously risky, and it's unlikely to yield results, other than a feeling of having fought the good fight. But it's not wrong.
We didn't say you had to leave. We do say that because you are unlikely to change your boss - seriously, do you doubt this? - if you want change, YOU have to change, either in your present role, or by finding a different one.
Sure, it would be great if your boss changed, but we don't think he will. Yes, his boss is not doing his job, and again, you're unlikely to motivate your boss's boss. (To be fair, we believe your boss DOES have an obligation to change..but we don't think he will. Horstman's 9th Law: Embrace Reality.)
Communication style and managerial behaviors are unlikely to be challenged by his boss. The ethical violations, though, might be different. If you decide to charge into the cannons, that's likely the only area you might get some traction on. Make sure your ducks are in a row, though.
Can you ignore us, and just "do the right thing"? Well, sure, though I would argue it's not the right thing if you get fired and he doesn't change.
Stay frosty, and be careful. Your HR background makes you senstive to stuff others aren't...and when you take on a boss like yours, it often ends in tears.
Please remember that there are some things that you won't be able to change in life. Acceptance isn't passivity, it's wisdom and diversity applied to role power.
Keep us posted (and don't lose that fire!)
Mark