Training Badge
Submitted by mapletree on


I have an individual on my team who in title is a Sr. person but I find in practice he requires allot of interaction and reassurance. I would consider him a high 'I' due to his ability to deal with people and lack of attention to detail (I am a high C and his manager). I find that whenever he encounters a frustrating situation, which in our company and role in IT Support is common, he has to discuss it with me. The discusssions typically involve him telling me about the frustrating interaction or issue rather than presenting any solutions. We sit in close proximity to each other so it is hard for me to avoid him. I find this frustrating becasue I feel that he is a Sr. level person on the team and should be able to handle all situtations with his clients without constant stroking by his manager. It has become a major distraction for me. I have brought it to his attention several times by stating my expecations and that this behavior does not set a good example for the team. What should I do next?

trandell's picture

How long have you been using the feedback model and giving this person feedback? They don't seem to get the hint, so you may need to keep it up or get more direct. Have you tried the tactic of always turning the conversation back to this person and how to solve the problem? I often make the mistake of not keeping the focus on what the other person will do to solve the problem and end up in it with them.

mapletree's picture
Training Badge

I hired this person about two years ago and have been using the feedback model for about the last year. The issue I am having is that when he comes up to my desk throughout the day to discuss these issues I am never quite sure what the exact problem is that he is needing help resolving. Typically he is just venting to me about a frustrating interpersonal interaction or an overall business issue that exists in our company that can not be resolved in one day. My responses typically center around agreeing with his frustration. I refrain from getting more direct with him in the open office since other team members are very close by.

Mark's picture
Admin Role Badge


First, when you hear yourself say "should" in a managerial situation, watch out. Rarely are there moral imperatives at work. It usually means you're emotionally attached to what you want someone to do, and are angry that they haven't done it. That's work for YOU.

The next time he comes to the desk, and he starts a rant, politely interrupt.

May I...

When you come over and say x and y and z, but don't ask for my help, like you did just now, I worry that we're not going anywhere, and I think that this stuff is really beneath you and mostly a time waster. I want to help...but how can we do this differently?

Do that TWICE and he'll get it. (He may stalk off and pout, but he'll get over it...and you may have to praise him on something else...)