High C dropped a dime on me

Hate to be obvious but feedback is your friend here. Nice, small, cause and effect feedback.

If you can remember that what she did made sense to her and was the right thing to do and assume good intent from her, it will help your inner D resist the temptation to shake her warmly by the throat, smile and deliver the message.

"When you tell the VP XY & Z that it won't work after we've made the decision, here's what happens......."

Tim

Nil Desperandum Experto Crede

Another way to look at this is she tried to communicate (albeit very poorly) that the status of your project is "red" or "yellow". As a high C it was important to her to communicate the risks to your shared project. If you meet or beat your new timelines, then you both come out looking good in the end.

I'm not sure what feedback you want to give at this point that will result in improving future behavior and your ability to work together effectively. If you don't already have it in your queue, I recommend the peer feedback podcast. https://www.manager-tools.com/2006/10/the-peer-feedback-model

Personally, I've stopped trying to meet people half way and now try to think more about how do I help them to get the results we need. What is and is not effective in how I work with them? I recommend thinking more about how to communicate to her in a way that she understands. Some high C's just need a little more time to wrap their heads around a necessary but rapid change of vendors and timeline. Podcasts about prewiring meetings and DISC may be helpful to you.

The next time a quick decision needs to be made, you might want to reserve 10 minutes at the end of the meeting to ask "Does anyone have any concerns before we submit this new timeline for approval?" or "HighC is there any more information you need today before we finalize this decision?" Also, if ownership of the project is shared between you, you might want to send her a draft of the action items email to review before it is sent out to everyone else. 

I say this as a high D/C who struggles with similar frustrations being on both sides of similar situations!

Doris O
7136

Hi Lilith,
My high D side says: You brought up a really good point about reducing conflict, so if you know she is going to argue with you, I recommend NOT giving her feedback.

Instead maybe say something like: "Hey HighC I know we made some very fast changes to the project last week, let's work out a more detailed plan for who is responsible for what and when, to address any remaining concerns you have about delivering this project on time."

My high C side wants to go on and on:

If it were me, my goals would be to a) Improve my working relationship with my colleague b) Demonstrate to the VP that my colleague and I can work effectively and efficiently together. c) Demonstrate to the VP that the two of you can resolve any conflicts between you in a positive way, without him/her. Here's why: If the VP is a good manager, s/he knows her/his people and s/he paired you together because High C is going to make sure everything is accurate and over-communicate problems; you are going to make sure decisions get made, deadlines met and everything gets done. I'd want to be able to go with the High C, to the VP and be able for us both to say, "We've worked out this timeline and division of labor together. We hope this plan addresses any concerns you have and we are open to any suggestions for improvement." 

To be honest, if I were in your shoes, the things you peer did/said would bug the heck out of me. I absolutely would want to give her feedback.  The problem is if I did not already have a good working relationship with that peer, for me the feedback always makes things worse not better. I say this having tried it too many times. I'm finally (most of the time) able to let things go in the spirit of forgiveness and looking at what my goals really are. I'm amazed every time that I'm able to let something go just how much my work, my relationships and life are better as a result.

BTW - this week's Assume Positive Intent podcast is a great one for situations like yours.

Good luck with your meetings tomorrow!

Best,
Doris

Prior to becoming a manager, I'm ashamed to admit that I probably would have acted in exactly the same way that your colleague is. She thinks that she's doing her due diligence in raising "red flags" about the timelines. She also probably believes that she wasn't in on the decision making process.

Just try to use feedback and DiSC. However, don't worry too much about her dropping a dime on you. Now that I've been in management, I notice that comments like hers about proactively warning that you're going to miss deadlines don't carry a lot of weight with management. "Well, if that's the case, then why don't you DO something about it? Isn't that what we're paying you for?" seems to be the typical response. Also, most senior managers are smart enough to see when someone is dropping a dime on their colleagues, intentionally or not. That's a CLM because the executives I've worked with (admittedly for small companies) don't want someone like that on their leadership team. Also, I think that your point about her being in on the decision making process because she was in the meeting is probably understood by your management. I've been in similar situations in the past, and management took a dim view of people who were at a meeting where decisions were made and then raised issues AFTER the meeting. Going forward, make sure that you communicate up, down, and sideways about the project status. And document everything you can.

As a high C, I hate to say this, but your best course of action is to keep the project on track and get results. Let the chips fall where they may. You'll be fine.