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Submitted by techmgr on


I apologize for the length of this post. I'm seeking advice including feedback on my behavior. The head of HR told me I'm unlikeable and negative. I'm a High D - 7115 -  making probably some classic High D mistakes.
First, I fired someone she is friends with after 1.5 years of poor performance. I was his fourth manager, and his last chance, and he blew it. I documented everything and my boss fully supported the decision.
Another well-liked but poor performer, who was making 1/3 more in salary then our highest performers, quit. He had begun reporting to me a few months prior. I had been asked to try to turn into him into a reliable worker. He wanted to be everyone's best friend. I wanted to talk performance. My boss and I decided to let him finish up a large project, then let him go with a large severance - all with him knowing the timeline, so he could look for another job. Rather than wait, he found another job and quit. In his exit interview he told the head of HR that it was because of me.
I was invited to join a "Ladies mentoring group". Without getting into the details, this was not a group that I felt much of a connection to. At the "get to know us" meeting, I smiled a lot, was engaged, and afterwards politely declined, just saying it wasn't the right fit for me. The leader of the group reported to the head of HR that I was negative. 
Finally, while working with inhouse recruiters to fill 3 open positions, 2 of them complained to their boss - the head of HR - that I am difficult to work with. The only specific behavior mentioned was that I declined to interview most of applicants they vetted and sent to me. I explained why they did not meet my requirements.
The head of HR set up a meeting with me alone. The first thing she said to me was "People don't want to work for you". I was unprepared for this. It did not go well. She told me that my direct had quit because I'm not nice to work for. And that people don't like to work with me, or for me, and that I am unlikeable. Since that meeting she has come back to my boss saying she wants another meeting to tell me that people view me as negative.
My boss has my back. I am reviewing all my communication looking for how I can eliminate perceived negativity. I'm going to interview every applicant the recruiters send me, CC my boss on every email and not meet alone with anyone in HR. I would appreciate any feedback. I'm feeling really thrown and mistrusting. I am very open to suggestions for how I can improve. Thanks in advance for your time. J

pucciot's picture
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You obviously have some things to work on.

You obviously care enough to try. -- You get bonus points for that !


 I'd suggest that you start with this Podcast


and then 

Just start listening to every Podcast on M-T that discusses DISC and getting along with others.

High D Manager Simple Downfall (DiSC)



Effective Relationships


Good Luck





Breanna_Ileen's picture

We all approach our work differently. As for you, based on what you have said, it seems that you are objective and performance-results oriented which is okay. There might be only miscommunication between you and your staffs. Better let them understand your KPI with regards to work. 

Jollymom's picture

Why is your boss not taking responsibility of you? Anyway, you should have finished the "Ladies mentoring group" since it would be rude to leave the activity knowing that they prepared it. Maybe it doesn't fit you but, its just a way of giving respect to them. Based on you narration, you have to get along with the people arround you for them to understand you and you to understand them. 

techmgr's picture
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Thanks to everyone who responded. 

Jollymom's picture

You're welcome and we do hope that you already have settled your concern. As always, we're happy to help =)