Feedback Help Needed

First off, I'd drop the "I guess" statements in front of Susie. It sounds like you're not sure.

For the O3 issue, staring at you in silence is not much of a behavior. She might just be thinking it over. Maybe she's a high C and S and does not respond quickly. You're assigning your own meaning to a pause.

Have you asked her about the results of her O3s? If she's getting good results, then it doesn't matter if she puts the right cover sheet on her TPS report... uh, I mean, fill out the O3 Form properly. She's actually right. Blank forms don't mean that she's not preparing, just that she's not doing so the exact way you want her to. (Why do my fingers want to type "micromanage" all of a sudden....). If she's building strong relationships with her directs in her O3s, that's all that matters.

For the "challenging" you in the meetings, I'd respond something like this:
In the meeting (If she's not writing it down):
"The meeting minutes are a record of what we discussed. Write it down."
In the meeting (If she is writing it down):
"On to our next issue...."
After the meeting AND the meeting notes come out without the content:
"When you don't issue accurate meeting minutes, here's what happens..."

You don't have to be right all the time as long as the desired results are met.

It sounds like you don't have much of a relationship with Susie. I'd worry more about that than about what feedback to give her.

I disagree with Tom on some points and agree on others. Her responses are clearly inappropriate reactions. But I do wonder about your relationship with her. Is this a new behavior? Is everything else ok?

[b]One-on-one[/b]

This one is clearer for me. You told her something and her response was an attack on you. This seems to be a classic case of going on the offense instead of accepting constructive criticism. Even if she had a reason for her forms, her response was totally inappropriate. She could have calmly said what she was doing.

"When I give you feedback and your response is a personal attack on me, it makes me feel that you cannot accept constructive criticism.

I begin to wonder if:
1. You really paid attention to what I told you.
2. Care about improving your job function
3. Respond in a similar manner in other conversations with reports/peers/clients/etc

What can you do differently?"

[b]Team Meetings[/b]

For this one, I wasn't sure if you had already set up with Susie that she was taking notes. Also, was it just this part she contradicted or the whole thing? Do you typically do meeting notes with details or was this really a totally unexpected thing for her? (In any case, I do not believe that her response was justified.)

Here's the feedback:

"When I ask you to do something at a meeting and you correct me in a non-constructive manner, it :
1) causes confusion on the team as to what is going to happen
2) makes me feel embarrassed about your behavior
3) makes me feel that I cannot count on you to work with me as a team to accomplish things.

I begin to wonder if you:
1) contradict other things I say
2) understand that there are more appropriate ways to express your thoughts
3) understand how to behave professionally in a group setting
...

What can you do differently?"

I do agree with Tom that it seems like there is something else going on behind the scenes.

[quote="MsSunshine"]You told her something and her response was an attack on you. [/quote]
Was it? He said that
[quote]she stared at me with a stoic expression that said to me, "I have zero respect for you", without saying anything for roughly 5 - 7 seconds.[/quote]

The look said that, not her voice. Silently looking at someone is not an attack.

I'm confused. Are you reviewing [u]her[/u] O3 forms that she's using in meetings with [u]her[/u] directs? Why?

Sorry, I misread the part and thought she actually said that.

However, I still think that not responding to the feedback deserves feedback. If I ask someone "What can you do differently?" and they say nothing, I'm going to say something. I may prompt them a little bit like Mike & Mark suggest in their podcast. But I can't let them not answer.

You don't say any more to know about that. You also don't say why you are looking at the forms. I'm guessing there is another reason. But I'd still give feedback on all behavior.

"When I give you feedback and ask what you can do differently and you don't answer, I wonder about your ability to take constructive criticism ....."

[quote="MsSunshine"]Sorry, I misread the part and thought she actually said that.[/quote]

I was halfway into a response before I realized that myself.

My approach is closer to the "shot across the bow" idea. I don't feel the need to "win" every encounter with my directs. If they know that what they did was not what I wanted and still need to feel like they won an argument, I have no problem allowing them to keep their pride as long as the results improve.

I'd love to know what the stated behavior and "next time" question were. What possible impact could filling out an internal form improperly have?

There's an underlying assumption that Susie is getting poor results from her O3s with her directs. Are we to believe that it's because she's not filling out a form the way her boss wants her to?

Is she even getting poor results from her O3s? We don't know that. If she is getting good results, who cares about the form? If she's not, do we know that lack of preparation is the cause? If we know that lack of preparation is the cause, how could Susie improve better? Several steps in, now we are ready to even consider using the form. Maybe she's not good with forms and works better out of her own freehand notes.

We'd need a lot more information before we are ready to talk about the forms. That's why I made the joke about the TPS report cover sheet. There are bigger issues to worry about here.

We should be asking what happened that she's now challenging her boss. What did he do to contribute to the situation? What made her suddenly stand up for herself?

I'm seeing a lot of "blame the direct" here. I'm wondering what the manager did. "When looking for the cause of a problem, search in concentric circles around your own desk first."

[quote="MsSunshine"]However, I still think that not responding to the feedback deserves feedback. If I ask someone "What can you do differently?" and they say nothing, I'm going to say something. I may prompt them a little bit like Mike & Mark suggest in their podcast. But I can't let them not answer.[/quote]

But according to what he said, she did respond. See below:

[quote]In two recent one-on-ones where I gave her adjusting feedback, [u]she stared at me[/u] with a stoic expression that said to me, "I have zero respect for you", [u]without saying anything for roughly 5 - 7 seconds[/u]. The feedback was on her one-on-one forms she has on her directs, where she was not putting in any notes in the manager section. I told her that I concluded that she was not preparing for her meetings. [u]After the stare, she told me that the blank pages did not indicate she was not preparing, then said, "I guess you need to explicity tell me how you want me to use the form."[/u][/quote]

Now, whether or not the answer was what he was looking for is another matter, but it looks like she did answer him.

All good questions and points.

My point of asking to see her O3 sheets was to ensure she was conducting the them as I was concerned she wasn't. I don't think that's an unreasonable request. When the manager section was blank I concluded (right or wrong) that she wasn't preparing. The feedback I provided was just that, that I concluded....to which she said she was preparing. Whether she's using her planner, sticky notes, cover sheets, or what have you, I would like to know she's preparing appropriately. She can then keep her separate notes with the O3 form.

On the staring subject, it's not the first time she's done this. The first time was when I talked to her about sending emails to me and my VP where she was including the both of us in the TO: field. My VP has the nasty habit of responding to emails before I get a chance to read them and consequently manages my directs. I told my direct that it's fine to copy my VP, but put his name in the CC: field which would hopefully allow me time read and respond before my VP thought he needed to. I got the long stare and a defensive comment about how she thought it was important to keep him informed. I wasn't challenging that thought, just the way she was sending her emails. This seems to be the point she was making the direct comments in meetings, etc.

If I'm wrong on all of this, I'll suck it up and move on.

Jim