Submitted by ehyde111 on
in
Forums
One of my directs makes very vague statements during one on ones. Question - next steps? More feedback, leave it alone, press harder, systemic feedback?
Example. The direct will start a sentence during an O3 and then stop saying "nope". I have given feedback that if her concern is affecting the team/operations, she has a professional responsibility to share. Most recently, she states "some people do things to others look bad so they look good." She will not engage the discussion further. I do know who she is referring to, but, the direct who poses this to me is not open to discussion.
Background- the direct making the comments is a good contributor (3 in her role, she would be #2). She is a High S with I biases rather than C. The direct she is speaking about is #1/3, High I with D tendencies and very insecure about herself. The High ID does not try to make others look bad, she is an overachiever/workaholic (works much paid overtime every week), and the Hi SI direct interprets differently than I think It truly is.
Thanks
Chris
DISC Training Opportunity
My first reaction to the example you gave is to avoid gossip. I don't think the O3 is a time to discuss the performance of someone else. Of course if it is creating a hostile work environment or something unethical, then you have to respond to it, but set up something outside of the O3 for that. You want the O3 to be about that direct. You can ask if the situation is affecting your direct's ability to perform, and if she doesn't think it is, then I think you can let it go.
I think this is also time to focus on more positive feedback. In the example it sounds like this direct is worried that she looks bad to you and to others. Let her know when she is doing things right. As a High SI, she'll probably appreciate direct, personal feedback in the O3 or at her desk instead of the office party that the High ID would want.
Turn this into a training moment. You're familiar with DISC and it sounds like you have a good handle on each of the individual's DISC profile. If you got this by having everyone go through the assessment, then they are familiar with it as well. Set up in your next O3 time either in your 10 minutes or in the development 10 minutes to do a DISC exercise. If your High SI direct is not familiar with DISC go through it. Then next week have her tell you what she thinks your profile is. Then list everyone in the team and have her determine what profile everyone else is and why. Recognizing that all of us have all of the characteristics, go through and talk about how she can communicate with each of the individuals on the team.
I was just in the middle of the Simple DISC Delegation cast. As I listened to it I was able to pick out so many situations in my current role and previous roles where there was conflict because I wasn't communicating well with someone who has a different profile than I have.
She won't be able to change how the other person behaves. She can change her behavior by recognizing behaviors of those around her and adjusting to them. Make her behavior the focus of the discussion.
Good Luck
Jack
San Diego
o3 went awray
Jack,
Thank you for your comments. We started down that route. At the beginning of the O3, she responded the same way she always does "Hows it going?" Response "just peachy." This is typically followed by a brief silence where I'm waiting for the direct go start. She doesn't so I ask if there is anything she wants to talk about. There wasn't.
OK, my turn. Gave some + feedback about performance on documentation (which she is very good with). Delegated a brief task to proof and refine an introduction letter we're working on (because she has a good writing style.). Went OK. I then asked the direct about a particular dress code issue that she isn't good about following. She brought up another direct's adherence to the said rule, and we didn't address that. Just back to my request for her to comply. Finished the o3 and she didn't need anything form me.
10 minutes later found her crying in an adjacent room. She doesn't feel she is valued, doesn't feel her opinion is taken seriously. And if "I didn't need this job I would quit" she says. This went on for a bit where she stated a few other examples all with the same theme.
At this point, all effectiveness was lost. I listened for as long as I could and concluded the conversation with the following observation. I did reassure her of her value and shared that the problem was that she communicates one way and I hear another. It looked like we both needed to work harder at understanding each other. Asked her for a time on Monday where we could work through this issue. Again, I knew the effectiveness was lost, but this seemed like the best way to end. Of course, she was not in a mood to consent to this.
The underlying problem. The high DC that I am takes the statements of this Si for what she says and I have a very difficult time understanding/believing that her words say one thing but there is a different meaning. So is this an instance where she needs to communicate so I understand (do not expect this will happen) I need to change the way I hear (am trying, it gets very hard when the pressure/time constraints increase) or we need to come to the middle?
Thanks for your time and input.
Chris
We are working through
We are working through this. Jack's suggestion about more positive feedback was beneficial. This particular direct was, for a bit, not talking much to anyone. When she did speak, her tone was very flat and dismissive. She did start to come around a bit, and once there was noticeable difference in her tone and quantity of communication, I immediately gave her positive feedback. In a later team meeting, she did again contribute. This was less that previous, but still an improvement over the recent past. Positive feedback again for her. She still is not performing up to standard, but is making progress in the right direction.
Thanks
Chris