Submitted by terrih on
in
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I have a direct who's working from home temporarily and we're doing her O3s over the phone. She told me recently that she's more comfortable in the O3 over the phone because she can't see me writing things down.
In case anyone remembers, this is the same direct who was trying to get me to tell people not to talk near her cubicle. Every now and then she's got a complaint about the work environment, things that other people just shrug & deal with.
Still, is there anything I could be doing differently?
It sounds to me like she has
It sounds to me like she has concerns over what you might be writing down. Make sure that she understands that your purpose in making notes isn't intended to be one sided and is intended to help the relationship. Do you ever refer to past notes during an O3, such as "I made a note last week that I wanted to find an article I read on a new Bed and Breakfast in Vermont, you mentioned you wanted to go up that way when the leaves turned color this fall."? It's like feedback, once people realize that it isn't all about the bad they generally become more comfortable with it.
Steve Simmons
CGEIT, CISA, CISM, CISSP
I think Steve's comment
I think Steve's comment about referring back is useful, I do this often. Mainly because my memory is bad, but this is also the reason I write things down. I think my directs were not sure at first when I took notes, but as I explained I wouldn't remember without them it soon seemed to not be a problem.
She needs to understand you're a busy person and as you value the relationship you need these notes. It maybe true if things go sour they maybe of use, but we know this isn't the driver we make notes (like I've got better things to do with my day writing notes just in case staff mess up some time in the future!).
Did you ask her why she felt more comfortable not seeing you writing? Is it that she's just someone who's easily distracted (based on your other comment).
No, I didn't ask her, I was
No, I didn't ask her, I was too busy being flummoxed. :)
Distractability might be part of it... Also, we got to be friends when we were still peers. I think it might have something to do with making the relationship feel more formal; maybe some part of her doesn't like the reminder that I'm also her supervisor now. (No, she didn't want the job when it opened up--it's nothing like that.)
Maybe she's afraid I'll write something down that she considers too personal to write down. Because our conversations do get fairly personal at times.
Thanks!
If you have explained why, you have to let it go
I am sure by now you have explained why you take notes, and she probably understands the reason. She just is not comfortable with it and she probably never will be. I think you have to let go of the urge to get her comfortable with the note taking.
I know this is hard because I myself struggle when I can not get a direct to be comfortable with a decision or direction that I am giving. At the end of the day we can not let that change our behavior. We have to do what is right for the company, which means doing what is effective for us. It is ultimately her issue and you probably can not (and should not) get in her head enough to change her view.
For me, these situations are some of the toughest.
Good luck. Hope this helps.
-Mike