Hello MT,

I have an experienced high C direct who has always assisted as a knowledgeable advisor for two recurring meetings. He has done this prior to me joining the firm and taking over as manager. He creates an incredible amount of tension and nervousness amongst all who are on the calls because of his monosyllabic answers and matter-of-fact approach. They are intimidated to ask questions and it is affecting the team. He has no problem pointing out if someone is wrong, and I understand his approach is that he only wants to be factual, but the manner in which he does it offends and upsets others.

In summary, this person is not too strong with relationship building and often upsets people (often without realizing or caring).

I've just started to introduce negative feedback for the teams and I'm now stuck at a crossroads. 

Option 1: Do I try to use negative feedback and get this person on track to being more amicable and friendly?

Option 2: Do I simply move this person out of the meetings to do other things (which is viable) and move someone else in who can do it in a more friendly way?

I can't help but think option # 1 is a long, difficult road that may offend him and prove too difficult; some people are just not cut out to be friendly and build strong relationships and inspire others. #2 is convenient for me, but I wonder if that may make this person feel isolated and disincluded unless I frame it in a particular way.


Any advice? Thanks MT

jrb3's picture
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I've been that high-C and been put through both options.

The option two time, I didn't understand why, and no-one was willing to answer my questions about it.

Later, the option one time, I needed to be given specific words to say and to look for, to start becoming more tactful and better received.  Once I got clued in, I got much easier to work with, and found it easier to work with others.

The big "aha" for me was to learn that facts are necessary but not sufficient:  for many people (ie non-high-C's) an acknowledgement, a spot of explanation, and an alternative went a long way.  Thankfully I did not have to clear away either a competitive attitude or a condescending one.  I knew these were peers, I just needed to say so as we met.

Mo84's picture

Giving an honest feedback to any of your collegues is one of the best things you can do if you want a good performance for the team.
Remember always the best thing to do is to do what is good for the company.