Submitted by ProcReg on
I have a coworker that has worked race into many conversations, enough to where i've started emailing myself things he says to me. ("The KKK will kick you out if they find out you voted for a black woman as mayor" "Christian schools that require one to be a Christian is like colored water fountains" "You're scared to go to HBCU football game because you voted for Trump" etc). I'm sick of it.<!--break-->
What i've heard from others is that he doesn't get results and it's been noticed. It's probably going to work itself out .<!--break-->
I'm saving the emails because my last job, I was fired after I told my female boss she said something sexually inappropriate to me (i'm male) and my movement disorder was mocked. <!--break-->
HR is not being paid by me. That's not the route to take unless i'm being threatened (which i'm not).
Disengage from the relationship a little
I would recommend that you find ways to disengage from the relationship a little bit.
It sounds like this co-worker already knows some personal things about you, that you may have been talking about in the office.
What you are saying may not be inappropriate, but it is giving him/her ammunition.
** For a while -- try to be less personal and more stagnantly professional around this person. **
When comments like that come up then
1 - Look pleasantly at them -- acknowledge that you heard what they said with a verbal
"er, um OK"
"Well how about that."
Just a simple sound that let's them know you heard what they said.
2 - Don't react or respond to what they said ...
3 - Excuse yourself. -- Yes just look at your watch and say, "Please excuse me" Then walk away.
Yes - even if you are in a meeting. If he says that --> do the exact same three things.
Stay outside of the meeting door for a minute and then come back in -- as if you went to the bathroom or blew your nose.
Heck you might want to make a blowing your nose sounds outside of the door. It is a white lie, but it is a plausible explanation for why you left the meeting for others.
Eventually, this person will get the idea conditioned -- That when they say such things -- You walk away.
4 - Keep writing these things down -- Just in case.
5 - Wish the person well. They obviously have a problem with something bigger than you. You are just a convenient target.
Wish them well.
If you Pray -- say a prayer for them. A prayer that the behavior improves, that their problems improves … or that they go somewhere else where they are happier in a job and in life.
Probably the best advice
Thank you! And I have disengaged. If he's that unpredictable regarding things he brings up, no topic is safe.
There are two individuals I pray will find a place that makes them happier; both have the exact same problem. I get along with everyone else in the office, so any accusation, coupled with my emails i'm keeping, will be treated appropriately.
Thank you again for responding. I hope it does improve.