There Is No Why In Feedback - Part 2
This cast concludes our guidance on what to do and why when directs want to describe why they did what they did when you have given them negative feedback.
One of the big hesitations that many, many managers have to giving negative feedback is that they don't want to have a long conversation with their directs. They've tried to talk about a mistake before, they've tried to broach the subject, but it's never as easy as you want it to be. It happens even to the most well intentioned of managers. They were willing to tolerate some mistakes. They only mentioned this mistake because the direct repeatedly asked to be told how they're doing. Maybe they really didn't even want to, but they felt like they could this time.
And what happens? The direct gets defensive. The direct says well, let me explain. The direct says, but you don't understand. The direct wants to engage to win the point that they didn't mean to do it wrong, they didn't mean to have it come out wrong, what they did made sense before things didn't go well.
The manager thinks, to hell with this. What they did wasn't effective, they asked for me to tell them how they were doing, I did – politely, I might add – and they go ballistic. Not doing this anymore. These directs really don't comments – they want to get credit for wanting, but they don't handle it well. I'll believe what they DO, not what they SAY.
And so, everybody loses. But we have to tell our folks how they're doing, and still have time to get everything done and not have everyone angry and hurt all the time.
If you're a manager who isn't giving enough feedback because of the responses you get from directs, this guidance will help.