There Is No Why In Feedback - Part 1

I have issues with this

I remember seeing this in the Things I Think and I had issues with it because it is a way for managers to avoid taking responsibility for how their own behavior contributed to the situation. I think it is great the podcast spent a lot of time explaining why employees get defensive, and the importance of rolling out the whole trinity first. Hopefully if a manager is listening to this podcast, they are the doing the right thinkgs Mark and Mike recommend. But it did trigger me because in my organization, you're expected to respond to any boss in the group, or even other departments. I frequently see bosses unhappy with others because they are unfamiliar with a project, or disagree with how someone else is managing a risk. In the end, they change course, causing even more delays or performance problems vs what the direct thought, and then get upset with the direct about it though.

I am a PhD scientist working in development in a a big pharmaceutical company that was bought not that long ago.

My boss doesn't use the feedback model - he knows very little about leadership and management, but has a lot of experience working at the bench. The majority of the time he's unhappy about something or something not being done, it is because (1) I followed his direction previously knowing it was the wrong thing to do but he told me he didn't care what I had to say (which he says to everyone), or (2) he has forgotten plans he and I put together and is upset about the tasks not done yet, and believes the ones that are done mean nothing, or (3) I followed the direction of someone my boss brought in who didn't understand the project and didn't listen to me.

I have had this happen so many times to me. It's frustrating because it makes it very difficult to get things done and feel any sense of accomplishment.  He further avoids responsibility by saying let the past be the past. As a result of this environment, many of my fellow PhD and BS/MS coworkers have left (and laugh at me on E-mail that they don't have to deal with this anymore). We're at the point where we won't be able to run the department if we lose much more (all of us were trained here, you cannot hire people with our kind of experience which is why headhunters call me). People used to tell me I was happiest one, and I had so much passion and enthusiasm; today, dread going in, and am talking to my network, though I still feel very excitred about the my work and the discoveries that could improve the quality of life of people with these diseases (I did my PhD on the disease that I actually work on, so I've been in this a long time). 

I hope that any manager using the responses recommended in this podcast is doing all the manager tools things, and making sure they didn't contribute to the situation. I know that if my boss used it, I'd just see it as one more way of him avoiding taking responsibility for how his words and behaviors affect other people. It would encourage even further that the only way he'd understand is if he had to do my job -- if I left, and saw how complicated things were. Again, my boss really isn't using the feedback model, but the "why" on things he's not happy about almost always comes back to his focus on Quadrant III of 7 Habits (Urgent but not Important), as well as the constantly shifting goals and attitude to risks of our company that was recently taken over.

No tool exists outside of context

All of our tools can be used for ill.  You could say the same for any tool.  Thankfully carpenters have hammers, but unfortunately they sure can hurt if they're used as a weapon.

And, no direct's behavior is caused by the boss.  Every adult is responsible for his or her own behavior.  Others' "contributions" can be ignored.

And, it sounds like you have a bad boss, in which case a lot of our recommendations will be hard to hear. Just don't visit the same on your directs when you get them!

Mark

Behavior Change ...

While I can "feel ArtSmith222's pain" and have seen similar examples, I loved the reminder in this podcast that good/great managers focus on behavior v. intent.  In one of the coaching courses I deliver we use a great video ("The Practical Coach" which can be previewed at www.media-partners.com) that emphasizes avoiding sidetracks presented by employees.  Often going down the "intent" path can be a major sidetrack.

Yes, there are times to dig deeper but both in terms of my "previous life" (clinical psychology practice) and current world of developing leader coaches, I am less interested in the "why" than in the "whats" and "hows" of developing actions and behaviors that lead to individual, team, and  organizational success.

Just my 0.02 worth.
 

Ed

Thanks for your comments

Thanks for your comments about my boss perhaps being bad, as I try to take responsibility for my part, and I'm running out of things to do. A lot has to do with her boss, and just the general environment.

I perhaps didn't speak properly about the boss controlling the direct's actions. I meant about actions that are a toss-up as far as good vs bad. For example, direct thinks a presentation slides should be A then B. Another supervisor insists that it should be A and then B. Boss says B and then A. Direct presents B and then A. The other supervisor complaints to boss that direct did a bad job. Boss says something to direct who says, "I followed what you wanted." Boss says, "let the past be the past." I've had something like this, with a lot more emotion, happen at least a dozen times in 2011.

On a more positive note, I don't have directs but there are non-PhDs junior to me whose career I'm involved in. Last Friday, one indicated that I helped her feel more positive about her job.

Most recently, I explored a new model technology with an outside company several years ago. I brought it in house on loan, and secured funding to pay for it after the loan period. This one lady was assigned it. I've known her 4+ years since she works in my department and through Toastmasters. In fact, she says she's in her best dating relationship right now as a result of two books I loaned her. When we met to discuss this project, she told me she cries every morning for 15 min before coming to work because her boss is just so demanding if she got the model to work, not realizing what goes into it. Nor does he understand it - I brought in this technology. She also told me she was considering leaving pharmaceuticals for the food or perfume industry because she was so unhappy.

So I realized I neeed to act to help. I set up weekly one on ones with her to discuss her work. I really tried to share leadership, the way I learned in Boy Scouts at age 15 - listening to her, asking questions to get her to think outside the box, and redirecting her "should I..." questions back to her so she could feel empowered to run whatever experiment she felt we needed to assess the model, and even do partial experiments. She had read every paper I had wrote years ago on it. I coached her on ways to arrange the data too. Then she got the statistical software I used and I coached her on the best ways to present her data. As our loan period was coming to an end, she felt (and I agreed) the model was a piece of junk and not worth paying for, so I sat with her, but kept my mouth shut, as she shared that with her boss (who as I said, doesn't understand it).

During this time, I asked her how she felt about THIS project, and she felt positive. I told her to really think about why -- I knew why, because she was empowered to pursue her own thinking, rather than her other work where she does routine things under what 7 Habits calls gofer delegation. She wrote a report on her work and passed it to me. Like the feedback model recommends, I asked her if I could make comments, and then practically dried up a red pen with my comments, since I'm a fanatic for good report writing using the concepts of Style: Clarity and Grace by Joseph Williamson. She felt real positive about her final product.

She was in my office on Friday asking questions and she told me something that made me feel good. She said she feeling much better about her job. She said she really thought about why she liked this project, and realized she liked it because she got to think for herself, experiment with different things, and develop something. She went to her boss and told him that. He has now assigned her the task of developing something else for a new project that came into our department. She thanked me for asking her to really think about that question. I told her I was glad, and shared some of my continued frustrations. We then both fantasized of what we'd do if we got laid off with our 6 - 8 months of severance with benefits.

Meanwhile I finished 2 years as President of our Toastmasters club, which I founded. The new President was my #2, also working in my department. I've taught her a lot about organizations that I learned in nonprofit volunteer positions in the past, and I am so excited by how's taken this challenge and just watching her grow over the years since I first asked her to take on a leadership role.

I love this cast!

If I had a nickel for everytime I've asked "what could you do differently" and got a long explanation of WHY, I could have retired years ago.  I will admit this behavior makes me mad - just take the feedback and run -- but I do understand it is human nature.

I have learned to tell my folks every day how much I love them... not romantically, of course :-)... but how much I love what they bring to the table.  How talented they are and valuable to the team.  I think if they know the feedback comes from a good place, they can accept it.  But if we never tell them the good stuff, they can't listen to just bad stuff and they don't always think that no news is good news.

The biggest mistake I've made is how I deal with feedback with new people on the team... they don't know me yet and they don't understand *my* good intentions.  So, get to know your directs and most of all let them know you.  If you put up walls, and they don't know who you are, it's hard for them to trust that you are coming from a good place.

just sayin'!

The why was out of my hands, boss

Ive been a lístener (as non-manager) for several years. This is my first post ever, recently turned manager of 3, older-than-me technician-technicians who work long time in a company I just joined, so here it goes. 2 of my directs frequently have a rationale along the lines of: "Chief, my intentions were good, my behaviour was good, but it was circumstances (fi force majeure or other people not delivering) that prevented reaching deadline".: any thoughts on that ?

2nd question: I work in Holland where people are pretty direct, even vertically up and down the hierarchy. But I fear that adding lines like: "its OK, no need to explain, just better next time", even with proper explanation, will go past my directs. As well as I know them, my guess is that they'll think I should understand and also help their situation. In other words: I fear the "no why in feedback" may put stress on working relation / create a gap between them and me. Again, any thoughts anyone ?

Force Majeure

 Ziggypod,

I think you must continue with the same feedback, and get the focus away from the past and into the future.  Don´t forget the "Next time what are you going to do differently?" step.  When they keep blaming the others I draw a big elipse on the white board and a small one inside it.  I tell them, the big circle/elipse is the company, the small circle is themselves and their area of influence.  It doesn´t help them point the error to outside their area of influence (draw an arrow from their circle to the bigger circle), they must concentrate on what they can do to improve the situation.  You cannot really change other people, you can only change what you do to change what people do.

When you ask the question of what they are going to do differently next time, you don´t really want the how they will do it though.  You just want their commitment that they will do it (at least work towards keeping a deadline) and give them assurance that you are there to help.  It would be fantastic if you can get them to answer something along the line: "Next time I am going to meet deadlines and if I cannot with the power/influence I have on hand I will look for other resources or go for you for help before I miss the deadline."

Of course this gets away from the quick feedback recommendation.  So you may want to work this issue with them outside the feedback given, on your one-on-one and actually offer to help identify what is that they can do better with their directs or with relationship with other people in the company to increase the commitment from other people with them, so that they do not miss deadlines with you.

I also find people are so used to deadlines being missed that they really believe it does not matter.  You may need to look into your circle of action and find what you can do to improve that.  Check more often on the advancement of the work, and really check on the work (a draft, go to the area and see the advancement of the staff), don´t take their word for it.  Listen to the podcast develop a sense of urgency in your team for more tips.

I also find that with some people it is necessary to explain why missing deadlines is a problem.  You can find examples within your own company and line of work or you can use analogies.  Tell them to imagine they got tickets to an orchestra concert with a famous international conductor.  Let them imagine it is a special occasion, let´s say they are celebrating their wedding anniversary.  They arrive at the door and there is this sign: "Concert has been canceled as the conductor couldn´t get the orchestra ready to perform by this date!"  Outrageous, right?  We don´t even think of it as possible, yet on our line of work we let deadlines slip for any excuse as if they were force majeure.

Many, many thanks

Mark and Mike,

Thank you for providing such a useful supplement to your feedback model. "No worries. Next time, better," is such a useful phrase and helps me provide the feedback with honey on my tongue, as I think one of you said.

Cheers!