How to Coach Directs on Interpersonal Skills - Part 1

Good job explaining why managers don't

Good job explaining why managers don't coach on interpersonal skills. The managers I work with think it's really weird to give feedback and coach a direct on their body language and facial expressions. It feels kinda wierd to me too, but my comfort is not a good measure for effectiveness.

A great cast. I once had a boss who

A great cast. I once had a boss who coached me on interpersonal skills early on. It started after a client called and complained after I WON his case. The meeting started with him telling me "Get a life." We talked about professional presence and good communication skills. This moved my career forward more than any other training.

Hey guys....ya gotta moment? I wanted

Hey guys....ya gotta moment? I wanted to give you a little feedback.

Greeeeeat.

When you posts these multi-part casts where you talk all about what you're going to say (e.g., "it's based on the feedback model", "there's several steps", "most manager stink at...", "this is so important"); but then don't actually say anything, it makes your listeners a little frustrated. It makes listeners think you're just on a gripe-fest about the latest jerk at the office.

So, what do you think you can do better next time? ;)

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[background]
I had a project manager working for me. He was a disaster in so many ways but his interpersonal skills were really holding him back. He didn't look at people when he spoke to them, he would fire off offensive two page emails, etc. This guy was a one-stop manager-tools proving ground. When our CIO said to pull him off his project (for other reasons) and I knew I needed to actually face those issues as part of the coaching.

I did have a real need for some support. That morning, this cast shows up and I say "Cool - they M-T guys come through again!". Well, not quite.

I ended up doing the regular coaching using a lot of physical examples. For example, I showed him the difference between my conversation with him looking away vs. looking at him in the eye. He took it very well. Nobody every pointed these things out to him. We'll be working on a long-term plan that'll include public speaking classes and some other fix-ups.

All kidding aside - love the show but if you're going to publish a multi-part cast, try to get at least some of the content into each part instead of a 1/2 hour show on meta-content.

A loyal fan.....
Lance (met you guys in Norther VA a couple of years back....hope to see your return!)

Lance, Eric, Jon .. thanks! The

Lance, Eric, Jon .. thanks! The comments, good and bad, are appreciated!

Lance, lest we confuse folks though, that wasn't feedback. ;-)

Best Regards,
Mike

...... *RNTT nervously asks for

...... *RNTT nervously asks for clarification of the situation....

I am sort of confused by Lance's story. How is it that the CIO had to intervene? If the problems were long ago identified, shouldn't this have been ongoing work in the one-on-one's and feedback?

*RNTT

Yeah Mike - point taken - you're

Yeah Mike - point taken - you're right....it was not feedback. Really a spoof on feedback.....the message was a request to get some of solution into part one of a multi-part cast.

For Asterisk. This was one of those situations where you're given the priceless "gift" of dealing with someone else's problem. The problematic manager didn't work for me on this project. The manager was assigned to the project by the CIO and was reporting to him. When things turned ugly, I was asked to assist. The CIO had discussed the interpersonal skills issues with him but couldn't seem to break through. I believe the CIO may have been sugar-coating the message. I see a long haul ahead of me with this guy and because of particular situation, I don't have the flexibility to remove him or reassign him into a more appropriate role.

Very nice cast. I am waiting forward to

Very nice cast. I am waiting forward to hearing the next one.

I felt it wass a kind of "back to the roots" pod cast ... Your very first cast was about the idea that improving communication was the major step making THE difference in one's career.

Now you explain how to coach our directs in that direction. It is brilliant.

You know what ? The fact that your basics are still absolutely the same is really motivating.

The mass of different topics you have addressed has no influence upon the clarity of your message. This is a great performance.

Thank you guys.

Ced.

Hi Mike and Mark - another effective

Hi Mike and Mark - another effective cast. However, listening while on the treadmill at the gym I couldn't write down the web resource/expert that you recommended. I don't see his name in the show notes (although I could have missed it). Can you let us, your loyal listeners know? Thanks, Chris

Marshal Goldsmith -

Marshal Goldsmith - http://www.marshallgoldsmithlibrary.com/

I went back, re-listenened and looked it up. I have found the information useful for additional ideas on coaching soft skills and behaviours.

Mark, I love the fact that you used

Mark,
I love the fact that you used football (oooppss ... soccer :) ) as a sport example this time :)
PierG
http://pierg.wordpress.com