This guidance addresses how personal One on Ones ought to be – should they be all about family and personal stuff, or just about work?

One of our regrets in producing casts over the years was an emphasis we made about getting to know your directs personally during One on Ones. We over-emphasized the importance of personal information, to the extent that some managers we’ve heard from feel that they are failing unless they know every detail about all of their directs. This guidance is designed to tighten our guidance about the balance between work and personal topics discussed during One on Ones.

What happened was that when we started our casts, in 2005, we were in the process of consulting to some very technical organizations. The managers at several clients knew literally nothing about their directs, and professed no interest in ever caring. So, we were pretty insistent with many of them that they had to get to know them in order to get the best from them. That led to our guidance being skewed based on the client world we were inhabiting at the time. We didn’t even realize it until we heard horror stories of managers insisting directs share really personal stuff – and we’ll leave it at that.

This guidance will help clear up how best to conduct your One on Ones around the work/family balance.

  [Play in Popup]

This guidance addresses questions about the purpose and value of One on Ones, particularly for those directs who challenge the need for them.

Probably one of the most frequently asked questions we get about One on Ones is, what do I do if one of my directs doesn't want to have them? Mind you, this is not the question that managers ask who are already doing One on Ones. They want to know how to handle the usually hypothetical situation of a direct who crosses their arms and won't talk. That's a different answer, for a different time.

This guidance is what to do if you haven't even started One on Ones, and someone says they're not interested, they don't need them, they think it's necessary, we talk all the time, I'm not much of a talker, just read my reports, I'm someone who doesn't need to be managed, I'm too busy, my role is special, the last guy didn't do them, we've never done them before, is everybody else going to do them, why are you singling me out, I don't need you to care about me, I'm not going to share stuff, do I get overtime for that considering how busy I am, who will cover my desk/work/machine/process while we're blabbing.

Those kinds of situations.

Not that they're common. But just in case.

  [Play in Popup]

This cast describes how to refresh your One on Ones with your directs after you've been doing them for 1-2 years.

If you've been doing one on ones for 1-2-3-4 years, and you're like us, your core manager tool may have gotten a little stale. There's certainly nothing wrong with being so comfortable with this systemic behavior that it's second nature. Don't get us wrong – we're not saying you've gotten off-track, or have gradually become ineffective with it.

But over the years we've discovered that being comfortable with a core behavior makes one forget how to be the very best at it. One on Ones are a process, while what we talk about in them is the content. That means we begin to think of them as the content, rather than the process. But like most human systems, weak process begins to infect content. In other words, if we're not sharp in how we run our one on ones, we get less good information. Our relationship building plateaus when it could still be deepening or growing.

So, how to refresh? There are two easy ways to improve our O3 quality easily.

1. Do a Fresh Rollout
2. Focus On YOUR Behaviors
   1. Ask Better QUESTIONS
   2. LISTEN More Effectively
   3. Take Better NOTES

  [Play in Popup]

This cast describes how to start every One on One.

One of the most important lessons for experienced users of the One on One Manager Tool is the value of continuity over instances. One on ones are in a sense like feedback in that no single instance of either is important. It's the commitment and I-can-count-on-my-boss-interacting-with-me-this-way repetition that deliver a major part of the value of these Manager Tools.

Now, look, you can't create continuity while ignoring instances. In order to be admired for one's constancy, one has to repeatedly do things, for a while. But a lot of managers are looking for the silver bullet, the ONE THING, the great idea, that makes management easy. If we had to pick one, it really would be one on ones…but it's not the 30 minute INSTANCE of a one on one that matters…it's the constancy. Constancy is the complement of all other virtues, as the saying goes. Hey, we admit it – one on ones are the slowest moving silver bullet ever invented.

So, what are some of the behaviors we can engage in in each INSTANCE of our one on ones that increase the value of our CONSTANCY? The first is our first question.

1. Ask The Same First Question EVERY Time
2. Write Down The Answer EVERY Time
3. Some Recommended First Questions

  [Play in Popup]

The conclusion of our discussion on Project Manager One on Ones.

  [Play in Popup]

This cast explains the basics of how to have One on Ones with project team members who do not report to you.

Yes, you can have one on ones in a matrix organization. They work wonderfully.  One reason is that matrix orgs reduce communication while increasing the amount of chatter, and One on Ones directly improve communication.  While we recommend One on Ones virtually exclusively for manager-team member relationships, the Project Manager-team member relationship has become important enough, and common enough, to justify this additional meeting.  [Again: we don’t recommend we try to create One on Ones with our boss.  We do that with our Professional Update.]

  [Play in Popup]

We've said it a hundred times, but we've never covered the basics of HOW to conduct a One on One on the phone. Clearly it works – Mark has shared that over half of the O3s he's done have been over the phone. Here's how.

  [Play in Popup]

This cast begins our series on the the Management Trinity, and our reasons for each of its three (four) components: One on Ones, Feedback, Coaching and Delegation.

We've talked about the Management Trinity for nearly three years, but we've never really laid out specifically how and why it works. The best managers we know use these basic principles all the time to make themselves, their teams, and their organizations more effective.

How can you have a great One on One with your boss?

How can you get the the most out of the most valuable recurring communication investment you make? This is an important question ... and it seems that a lot of managers DO NOT ask it. Some of the managers who are quite good at running their OWN O3s aren't very good at getting the most out of their time with their boss. Frankly, we think that if they reported to themselves, they'd be disappointed in their direct.

Today, we finish our discussion on the fine art of Scheduling One-on-Ones.

  [Play in Popup]