Submitted by lilith on
in
Forums
Hello,
I have recently experienced a drastic change in my relationship with my manager. She has always been emotional, but I hoped that as long as I could give her what she wanted, I would be able to stay on her good side. You know what they say about assuming.
She has helped me forward my career in publicizing my work (for which I have been very openly thankful), and my work gets excellent feedback. I have done a very good job, maybe too good a job. I am now receiving multiple invitations to public functions, but she is not. She recently pulled me into a meeting and told me that she was taking away some of my responsibiltiies, and also criticized my work of late, for which there is some room for improvement.
I stayed calm and asked her if she could give me specific examples of what the problems were. She did not. She started telling me about some other situations which have already been corrected (I am relatively new), then started to ramble into very confrontational, dramatic territory. I realized this was personal, told her that I would work on improving, and made a quick exit. I can't believe that my success could have that much of an impact on her to make her react like this.
I intend to stay frosty, but I am concerned that she is telling lies to upper management about me. She was easily able to lie to me. Most people here may know how she behaves, but they do not know me very well, and I am concerned about what kind of damage she may cause.
Should I just let it go and keep my nose to the grindstone?
Please help!!
It sounds like there is more to the story
I would not be too quick to jump to the conclusion that your increased activity in the business community is causing her to change her approach to working with you. From what you describe it sounds like she is not a clear communicator and therefore has not been effective in giving you a clear direction on how to improve. Here are some points for consideration:
1) Try to stay objective. Clearly you believe she is not being professional. You indicate that you concluded she was personally attacking you and not focusing on your work. I have felt a similar type of frustration with a prior boss and quickly discounted some feedback that was given to me because of the surrounding drama. In hindsight I found that there was some truth there that I needed to own and improve on. Try to look through the noise and see if there are real issues with your work and address them.
2) Communicate your objectives. If you can write up what you believe to be your objectives/responsibilities, you may be able to have a calm discussion with her on the topic. You should include responsibilities you would like to take on (or take back). It is vital that the document and the discussion be void of emotion. I would ignore the drama from the other day and just focus on clarifying your work expectations going forward.
3) Drop the concern of her poisoning you to the folks above. If you can right the ship with her with the above steps, it will take care of itself. Even if she has a personal agenda/beef, she still wants to be successful. If you help her do that you not only do the right thing for the company but you create the best chance of turning the relationship around. If not, you will not be able to overcome her trashing you to her boss and you will have to move on. Let me stress that I doubt it will have to come to that, but recognize it as a possibility and leave taking the high road.
Good luck and try not to get sucked into the drama.
-Mike
Yes, need to stay out of the drama!
Thank you so much for the advice.
It's nice to get some perspective/clarity around what to do. I have been trying to dissect the conversation to move away from the emotion in the hopes of understanding where this has all come from. I am pretty good about recieving feedback, and recognize the kernels of what she had issue with and am working on them. But I will not approach her about anything other than the work at hand.
To add another wrinkle, my skip boss has asked me twice this week how I am doing. He never does this. He knows about the responsibilities being taken back by my boss, and must have agreed to allow it to happen. I am just not comfortable telling him anything. He did tell me to "hang in there."
I will be doing my best to stay out of the drama and will post again with any changes in the situation.
Thanks Again,
Lilith
My pleasure
For the skip boss wrinkle, I think you handled that well. If there are future conversations, do not be shy about expressing your desire to take on more responsibility and help the company in what ever way you can. This will convey the desire to do more without sounding like you are complaining about your current boss or recent events.
Use these encounters when they occur to add to his view of you as an effective, professional contributor. The pod cast on office parties would be a good one to listen to if there is a holiday party at the end of the year. It will give some advice about how to make the most of a casual 5 minute chat with your skip boss!
Take care,
Mike
My pleasure
For the skip boss wrinkle, I think you handled that well. If there are future conversations, do not be shy about expressing your desire to take on more responsibility and help the company in what ever way you can. This will convey the desire to do more without sounding like you are complaining about your current boss or recent events.
Use these encounters when they occur to add to his view of you as an effective, professional contributor. The pod cast on office parties would be a good one to listen to if there is a holiday party at the end of the year. It will give some advice about how to make the most of a casual 5 minute chat with your skip boss!
Take care,
Mike