High C getting overwhelmed by Double D Troubles

 I'm stuck in a difficult situation and any ideas would be very much appreciated.

I'm a High C manager with a High D either side - i.e. my main DR and Boss are both way High Ds. 

The DR is arrogant, rude, dismissive of me and her peers, constantly argues with me when I'm asking her to do something and often goes completely against what I've asked. It's exasperating. When she's around people at my boss's level, she puts on a front and is as nice as pie.

My boss, who I would like to go to for advice in handling the DR, gives me nothing but criticism - not even adjusting feedback, just negative blah blah and points out what  already know to be my weak areas as well as finding things to destroy me with that I wasn't even aware of or are just her (wrong) perception. I'm told that I shouldn't crack down on the DR because she's so good at her job (she is efficient but I worry about corner cutting) and even threatens to promote the DR so that we become peers - and thus would the real monster arise, as she would see her rudeness and arrogance rewarded and probably escalate the behaviour.

Can anyone help me before my head explodes?

Feedback?

Are you using feeback with your DR? How long has this person been your DR?

Is your boss recommending the restructuring because you are having difficulty managing your DR?

 I'm a recent convert to

 I'm a recent convert to Manager tools and I'm going to start O3s very soon - then I'll do feedback. It's frustrating because I'd really like to start with the feedback - and there's a ton of negative feedback just waiting to happen - but I know it's better to start with the O3s. I have always done some kind of feedback with my DRs and it's always been at least 90% positive feedback, but this one does not hear the positive - just gives me a funny look then goes about her business.

She's been my DR for just over 2 years. 

The restructuring was originally my idea - at the end of last year I was in a bad way (part work, part other things) and suggested it to the board as a way of making things better. They rejected it at the time, saying that they waned me to be the person who reported to them and who knew about everything that was going on. Since then I've been doing a management qualification (largely in my own time) and have been listing to MT podcasts and learning heaps. So I no longer think that restructuring is a good idea. I think it would just make things worse. 

pained expession

can we change the title of this....

 Is that better? Sorry

 Is that better?

Sorry about the previous - I allowed my frustration to spill out onto the keyboard. 

So, how is it going?

I am curious how you are making out with the 03s.

 

Are you building relationship with your manager through weekly updates, (stealth 03s)?  Don't forget the DiSC model in your preparation.

 

 

Yep, but...

 It's all very frustratingly slow at the moment, mainly because of our seasonal busy time, followed by everyone taking holidays. I am going to do it though, no doubt about that. I don't have the luxury of a manager that I am responsible to in the normal way - i.e. the weekly update/ stealth O3 would not be appropriate. Long story.

Any yes, DISC was what brought me here in the first place - trying to find a way of not getting overwhelmed by these strong High Ds above and below me. Thankfully my other DRs are nice High S people - small mercies and all that.