Can I Be Friends With My Directs? - Part 2

Submitted by mauzenne on Mon, 07/25/2011 - 02:10.
in

This cast concludes our guidance on what a professional manager's role and limits are when it comes to being friends with our directs.

Can I be friends with my directs? We get this question all the time. It's a GREAT question, with the changes in workplace culture and sensibilities over the past 30 years. There's also it's companion follow up question, can I drink with my direct/friend?

And the answers are no, and sort of yes, but really no, too, depending. Surprised to hear that imbibing alcohol with your directs is potentially okay? Because it can be…. until it isn't. And that depends on you.

Shall we clear all this up?


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Rudy's picture
Submitted by Rudy on Sat, 07/30/2011 - 16:47.

Good topic

Good topic. Thanks M&M for this podcast.

Thanks

Rudy | DISC : 5334

spark's picture
Submitted by spark on Wed, 08/03/2011 - 02:25.

Smoking lounge confidants

This topic reminds of a issue that is probably a greater challenge in the U.S. Than it is for some of the international colleagues. Smoking lounges, or more typically the designated smoking area outside, create social interactions among seniors and subordinates that typically would not happen. The causual nature of a smoke break does not remove the senior subordinate roles, but the repetative social interaction can cause the appearance of greater social interaction and therefore potential favoritism. I recently pointed out to a subordinate manager that some of his directs, who happen to be no-smokers, were making comments that he had an friendship with a direct that happened to be on a similar smoke break schedule. He grumgled, but recognized that that the appearance was a valid issue. He said he would try to be mindful of the issue but I suspect that despite his best efforts, there will be some directs who will always suspect that there is an unfair dynamic for those who don't smoke.

PRLJ's picture
Submitted by PRLJ on Wed, 08/10/2011 - 14:45.

Trickier than what it sounds

Good topic, with sensible, clear cut opinions. Maybe a little too clear, at times. Some situations can be really tricky and conductive to conflicting opinions, all with a sound base. In practice, I'm not really sure if the "no friends" in the reporting line is always possible. In this case nothing replaces adhering to sound principles. A true friend  will understand that.

It's fairly commnosensical that you should separate profession from friendship and family. The problem comes insofar as we live in a uni and not a multiverse :) so these relationships will (or can) cross our professional careers.

Examples: 

My company has strict rules about family members in the same team (not allowed, which I think should be the bare minimum). Other companies will not allow wife and husband to work for the one company. In this case your husband/wife will not be hired, or if you marry within the company one of you needs to go. What about other family relationships? Where do you draw the line?

You have a life long friend that becomes your boss/reportee. What do you do? Ask for a move? cut the friendship?

And going a bit off topic, what about customers? can you be friends with customers? Should I deal commercially with a customer that is my friend? (this brings up the reverse question of dealing with suppliers, at the surface much trickier, but it's really just the flip of the coin). And if he is my friend and I am the sales rep, what should I do? Ask to be moved? how many bosses would ask if you've gone nuts in response?

Can I be friend with my peers? Those can easily become my boss / reportee, right? what about nth line managers/reportees?

If you take it to the ultimate conclusion using strict rules, there should be no friendship in the business world, whilst paradoxically friends very often start companies...

In summary, I think looking for friends in your company is not that great of an idea, whoever they are. Basically get a life outside of your company is good advice, but one that is sometimes complicated by the fact that people are having less and less time of their own these days. You need to apply common sense. And be mindful that it always comes a moment for tough choices in your lifetime, and that not all of them will be clear cut, and there isn't always a win-win situation...  

Great podcasts by the way, I'm happy that I found this site. Many thanks.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

jarber's picture
Submitted by jarber on Thu, 08/18/2011 - 06:21.

Awesome cast - facebook question

Thanks for doing this one. I always stress when I get invited to an employee's wedding or anything that crosses the boss/friend line.

Regarding facebook. I don't post on mine but I ended up with some directs and co-workers on my facebook (we didn't use to work together and now we do).

I decided to hide their feeds because I felt very strange seeing their personal postings and never want to feel like I am spying on either how they spend their time or what mood they are in.

Wondering how others handle these "back-channel" social networks? Any graceful way to say "can we un-friend eachother while we are working together?"