Generation Y Careers #1: Parents Unwelcome

Galactically Stupid Gen Xer

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This is a MUST hear pod cast for many Gen X'ers like me. These warnings are genuine and I have the social scars to prove it. It was about 12 years ago and I was real young in my career. Despite being galactically stupid (hindsight) I actually arranged a lunch for my parents to meet my boss! The goal was somehow to show that I came from a smart, hardworking upbringing and therefor that would rub off. Apparently it didn't. I don't need to tell you how it went. Just listen to the cast!! NOW!!

Right Again

I can't tell you how true this is.  Like Thomis, I also bear the scars of a parent meddling in my career.  My situation was slightly different in that my father actually worked as a manager (lateral to my skip) for the same organization. 

There are several examples when my father stepped in for me (many times without my prior knowledge) but the occasion that stands out in my mind was when my manager ordered me to report to work right after my wife had been admitted to the ER.  I was arguing with my manager on the phone when my father took the phone from me and proceeded to give my manager some "feedback" on his decision.  Needless to say, it made everyone awkward for some time (and, on a side note, made promotions impossible for me once my skip found out).

Eventually I did tell my father not to talk about me with co-workers but the damage was already done.  To anyone having second thoughts about this topic: there was absolutely no benefit from my father's actions and those actions were a major factor in me leaving an organization where I could have otherwise succeeded.

--Andy

(DiSC 5435)

worst idea ever? - the wedding...

I'm a younger employee (don't like the labels) and listening to the podcast I was thinking "this is pretty common sense, how could someone think this stuff is a good idea...?" but then again - not much at the office is about common sense.

My specific question...

Is there a guideline on inviting a boss to a wedding?  My plan is/was to invite a couple of close friends from other departments (only those I actually hang out with outside of the office), but my manager has been asking more and more prodding questions about the progress of wedding planning and timing.  Perhaps the manager is just being nice and making small talk in line with the feedback model.

My opinion: A wedding could perhaps be the absolute worst situation to have a manager around - parents, grandparents, college buddies, stories no one wants told... etc.

Any advice on how to keep work out of the big day without any hurt feelings?

-- cube

Listening to some of those

Listening to some of those examples was the worst idea while I was driving as I cringed tons. I can't believe all that can and actually did happen.

As a Generation Y I am lucky enough to not have any parental involvement in any of my professional decisions directly. However, I have had parents hang around their children when they drop off resumes and give a talk on why I should hire them.

The worst is when the parents call in sick because they want to "protect" their child so the associate asks their parents to call in sick for them. Absolutely embarrassing and extremely damaging to one's career.

Jorrian Gelink

http://www.linkedin.com/in/jorrian

Weddings

Cube,

I think Miss Manners would say that you should invite your boss in this case. It's one thing to say that you're not inviting anyone from work, which is totally fine, but quite another to invite a few people from work but not your boss.

Then again, it's your wedding so you can do whatever you want. I wonder if anyone actually cares about whether or not they get invited to a work wedding? I suppose if somewhere in the world parents are showing up at interviews, then anything is possible. : )

Kate

Anyone Know?

Someone please correct me if I am wrong. I believe there  was a law passed in one of the western states giving parents the right to be involved with a minors career.

I have had one employee that brought his parents to an interview (Hired by someone else mind you). The employee quit at the first sign of a coaching, he did not even make it to the point of counseling.

If the kid is 18

If the kid is enrolled in any school anywhere, FERPA would prevent parental involvement in any internship or co-op situation.

I can't tell you how much I love that federal law. 

While parents of kids under 17 have the right to inspect educational records--with a WRITTEN request--once the kid is 18 the rights transfer to the child. 

No parental access, without a WRITTEN request from the student.

This lets me say how very sorry I am to the parent, but I'm just trying to protect the privacy of your child.....and I can't give you access to grades/work performance reviews/anything.

:)

Disclaimer: Not a lawyer, yadda yadda, but this works for me really well!

My experience

Just to give additional confirmation that this is indeed a problem. Most of my staff are Gen Ys that I hire straight out of (primarily ivy league) colleges – so these are smart kids. Over the years, however, I have had:

-Numerous parents contact me about hiring their child

-Parents give me unsolicited “references” on their child

-Parents (numerous times) show up with the applicant for the interview (though I have never had one venture past sitting in our lobby –though that is still awkward when you go to pick up the applicant)

-A concerned mother who berated me for “risking her daughter’s life” by sending her on a two day assignment in Israel (her daughter was one of my best employees and was humiliated by her mother’s action). 

-And (my favorite) is a parent that called to give me management advice on how to better coach his son because I wasn't using him to his full potential

I say that I've probably interviewed several hundred applicants over the years, and hired maybe a hundred or more (we have high turnover), and I can't say that a parent's intervention has ever caused me to hire an applicant, but it has often caused me to put their resume in the "no offer" pile.