Feel, Felt, Found

Questions This Guidance Answers: 
  • How do I overcome objections to my ideas?
  • How do I deal with conflict?
  • How do I empathise with others?

This cast describes a simple verbal tool for addressing tension, conflict or other ineffective emotions in the workplace.

Mark has finally gotten around to writing this cast down! Every time Mark teaches this technique to an executive or manager, he turns to Mike and says, "we gotta make this a cast." And then he doesn't. When you see this work the first time, you'll be surprised. In almost any situation, you'll see a noticeable lessening of the tension. You'll probably also feel better at moving forward PAST the frustration or difficulties that are being discussed. When you use this with your directs, it often helps begin the process of solution finding.

And to our good friend Rich Ruh, who told Mark this past week at our San Antonio conference that after reading Peter Drucker he was more comfortable around Mark because he realized all these great ideas weren't Mark's alone . . . Mark didn't make this one up either. ;-)


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Extra Content
Legend:
    Manager Tools Personal License
    Interviewing Series
    First Job Fundamentals   

If Peter Drucker had had a podcast and

If Peter Drucker had had a podcast and blog, and had used it to refer to "my good friends Mark Horstman and Mike Auzenne," you two would feel the way that I do now.

Thank You.

The structured response "Feel, Felt,

The structured response "Feel, Felt, Found..." is no longer a hidden gem.

I sincerely appreciate your efforts M&M.

Rich- Thank you

Rich-

Thank you sir.

Mark

Great cast as usual! Time to go

Great cast as usual! Time to go practice body language in front of the mirror =)

One question - How about using this with ones boss? I can definatly see the value when working with directs or peer, I'm not sure what would happen if I took this to a disagreement with my boss though?

So.. Big NoNo, proceed with caution or fire away?

thank you
/Rasmus

One question comes to mind, that may be

One question comes to mind, that may be relevant to RasmusTQ's question about using this with your boss. Is there any evidence on how this works when the person you are using it on is knowledgeable about the process. It occurs to me that it could easily sound scripted and formulaic if used on some one who knew the method, and build up a further resistance if the person on the receiving end was thinking "Hey, he's using the 'Feel, Felt, Found' method on me! He's trying to 'handle' me!"

Stephen

Stephen- You've never tried it, you

Stephen-

You've never tried it, you probably don't remember ever hearing it....yet you worry that it could be overdone! Classic!!! :-)))) Nonetheless, many thanks for thinking of the angles to allow others to hear the answer.

No, there's no evidence in my experience that anyone who uses this sees it as anything other than effective communication. When I have had others use it with me - AND IT IS SO EXCEPTIONALLY RARE THAT THIS HAS HAPPENED PERHAPS TEN TIMES, I think, ahhhh, he's not making important our difference, but rather is working on setting differences aside and sharing another view and seeking common ground. I've always appreciated it.

Bosses seem fine with it. Just start your practice with others, as you would with any new technique. Don't learn in front of your boss.

Your mileage may vary.

Mark

In the spirit of thoughtful and

In the spirit of thoughtful and thankful theft, I have posted a tribute to this blog - and this posting in particular - on http://www.scopecrepe.blogspot.com . I hope that Project Managers will overcome their fear of blogs and podcasts without the word "Project" in them, and take advantage of the vast wisdom I've found here on manager-tools.com . Thanks again!

Rich Maltzman, PMP
www.scopecrepe.blogspot.com

Mark, I hope you and yours fared well

Mark, I hope you and yours fared well with the hurricane coming through Texas.
Thanks again for this cast and all the others.

Kris

Kris- We did fine... nowhere near

Kris-

We did fine... nowhere near the path.

Thanks for the thoughts and the kind words - it's a privilege to do this for y'all.

Mark

Mark and Michael, I have known

Mark and Michael,

I have known "Feel, Felt, Found" for so many years but not to this degree of detail.
The visual part (body language) and discussion of omitting "I's" so one would not invalidate the other person's feelings were new to me and completed the technique for me.

Thanks for a podcast done to the perfection.

--Malekz

Mark, I used it last Thursday. The

Mark,

I used it last Thursday. The person I was using it on said, in front of about two dozen of our peers and managers, "Don't use that [profanity] psycho-babble on me."

I guess I need to work on my delivery.

Stephen

Stephen- Guess so. Sorry it didn't

Stephen-

Guess so. Sorry it didn't go well.

Mark

We avoid failure by learning from

We avoid failure by learning from experience, we get experience by failing. Next time I'll be better.

Mark and Mike, Great cast -- another

Mark and Mike,

Great cast -- another powerful technique that helped strengthen a peer relationship.

They were struggling with a major workload, including a deliverable for me, and we connected through F3 including sharing some tips on how I've worked through similar situations. Things are rolling again. Thank you!

[...] While they spend a lot of time on

[...] While they spend a lot of time on the nuts and bolts of business and career management (5 Ways to Master Horstman’s 3rd Law of Interviewing), there’s no shortage of great leadership advice too (Feel, Felt, Found). Like all good podcasters, they let you listen to it right through their website or you can subscribe through iTunes where Manager Tools is currently the # 3 Management and Marketing podcast. Click here to subscribe. [...]