The Decline of Thank You Notes, and The End of An Era
January 16th, 2007How do I know that thank you notes - the actual item, handwritten and mailed - are dying? Because I don’t even get EMAILED thank you’s anymore when I do favors.
I recently spoke at one of the Top 10 MBA schools in the country, as a courtesy to a student group there. I gave the speech - 3 hours, I think - without charging them for it. I stayed and answered questions for about an hour afterwards.
I didn’t get a single thank you note… and only one thank you email (from the organizer).
And it gets worse.
During the speech, I mentioned that we didn’t have time to cover a specific topic that I knew would be of value, and that perhaps I could figure out a way to get them some information on the subject. Well, I may not have gotten any thank you emails, but I did get requests - repeatedly - for the additional information. I came up with the information… and still no thank you notes, nor thank you emails.
I feel strongly about this, and want to set an example. I really like speaking, and I like being able to do it for free. I’d like to continue this favor I’ve been doing for nearly 10 years, but I’m not going to.
I won’t go back.
As you go through your life, so busily accruing all the things you want, don’t be so busy that you forget to say thank you, don’t be so busy that you act as if these things you want are due to you. They are not.
A little humility and gratitude - a thank you note, a kind word, a small investment of your time no matter how valuable you mistakenly believe that it is - can increase your chances of getting more of what you want, while also helping others get what they want.
Or, you can withhold the kindness, get your treasure, and laugh at others who lose the benefit because of your selfishness. If it’s a race and accruing things is your goal, you’d win.
But you’ll have to watch your back.
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January 16th, 2007 at 10:59 am
Sorry to hear that Mark. I think that you mentioned in earlier podcasts that you gave career advice speeches to MBA students and I remember wishing that I had had such knowledgeable and inspirational presenter giving me advice at university.
(I had a friend who replied when asked her weaknesses at ‘milk round’ interview “chocolate and marlboro lights”, she didn’t get that job)
In your podcast about Networking you mention that you should give things but not expect anything in return. I have done that a lot without thinking about it, but recently had a few personal incidents that make me wonder do I just stop, am I irrelevant to the people that I am helping? But then I thought, I’ll end up old and cranky and the only transactions I will have are those that I buy, or am paid for.
In the case above, I would have to do the same as you. The final affront is be asking for the extra material without even thanking you for the speech.
Just for the record, sincere thanks to you and Mike for making the podcasts and hosting your website to communicate with the community.
January 16th, 2007 at 11:30 am
Mark,
Thank you for posting on this topic. I enjoy reading your posts.
Regards,
Steve
January 16th, 2007 at 1:03 pm
Covey’s idea of the Emotional Bank Account comes to mind here. “Thank you” is a quick way to make a deposit.
Thanks Mark
January 16th, 2007 at 1:26 pm
Four months ago, when I had a job opening to fill, I interviewed about twelve people (after all the previous screenings). Everybody got my business card so everyone had the address and email. I got 2 thank you emails. My choice ultimately came down to those two candidates.
Was that the only reason? Of course not. But if you like the candidate anyway, a thank you reinforces your impression. It absolutely won’t hurt and might help. As Mark has mentioned with other things, it’s another small point in your favor and all those small points add up.
Mark Polino
January 16th, 2007 at 1:40 pm
Wow that’s rude. At our school we had a speaker every friday afternoon on IT topics, at the end of the talk they *always* got a giant gift basket (wine etc) and a written thank you card
January 16th, 2007 at 2:00 pm
Your comment caused me to recall a couple of speakers I heard several months ago. I just presumed they were paid speakers doing their jobs. I never thought about thanking them. It turns out the organization paid their hotel and meals, but that was about it.
I will definitely remember this when the next speaker comes around.
Don
January 16th, 2007 at 4:46 pm
Thanks for the reminder. You inspired me to write a quick note for my own boss, who helped me troubleshoot some computer problems last Friday at 5 p.m. (definitely not her job).
I give handwritten thank you notes to my staff each year (about 40 of them). It does take a while, but you can’t beat the personal touch, in my opinion. I’ve found a couple of short cuts that work for me:
(1) I make an Excel table at the beginning of the year with everyone’s name. I use this to keep track of anything special that stands out for each person — a problem well-solved, a difficult situation at home, a favour for a co-worker, a personal goal accomplished, etc. This is pretty easy to do b/c there’s lots of overlap between this file and their performance reviews.
(2) I have cards printed with a staff group photo, and put some boilerplate text on them (e.g., Thank you for your contributions to ACME!). This idea probably wouldn’t work in every workplace, but my staff are all university students, and I have a very high turnover rate each year (30% or 40%), so a new team photo each year is a nice memento, and no one will ever get more than 3 because they all graduate and leave.
I hope someone finds these ideas useful, and thanks again for the reminder about thank yous!
R.
January 16th, 2007 at 6:42 pm
“mpolino Says: Four months ago, when I had a job opening to fill, I interviewed about twelve people (after all the previous screenings). Everybody got my business card so everyone had the address and email. I got 2 thank you emails. My choice ultimately came down to those two candidates. ”
I mde it part of my interviewing process (when looking for a job) to ensure i always send a followup email to thank the interviewer for their time, if they need anything, etc, etc.
it has worked wonders for me.
thanks MT keep up the good work
you really are making me a better manager and if the snotty nosed uni students don’t realise the value of your contributions then that’s their loss.
Stephen
January 16th, 2007 at 7:51 pm
Rachelle,
I think that those are some great ideas. I remind myself about thank-you notes in the same way as feedback. I have a scheduled recurring task to remind me if I have been doing enough. I work with many high-S folks so, as you can imagine, I send a lot of cards.
M
January 16th, 2007 at 8:50 pm
Thankfully the missus ensures we do this in our personal life! I’m pretty good at the quick “thanks” emails, but need to do better in general. My company has a several e-thank you notes you can send to each other. I thought it was pretty cheesy but the few times I’ve used it they were very appreciative. Good news is just today I thanked a few members from my team for meeting a very aggressive deadline yesterday. It was a very heartfelt thanks. Those guys will get other rewards but hopefully their manager’s sincere thanks will go a long way.
Tom
January 16th, 2007 at 9:32 pm
When I joined my current organization I signed a document that I will not sent unnecessary e-mails ( including “thank you” mails). The worst thing about this is that I extended this culture to my personal life.
I consider “thank you” to be a very powerful tool of appreciation.
THANK YOU for all that you do for us.
January 16th, 2007 at 11:28 pm
Folks-
Our pleasure… and some great posts here. Ojeda, I’ve never connected the ctrl+shift+k technique to thank yous, but you are RIGHT. I’m going to start. I always have them with me, and rather than waiting for someone to reach whatever threshold I have on a given day, a reminder would cause me to ask, “what’s the best thing of the last 72 hours?”
Another blog post coming, too.
Mark
January 16th, 2007 at 11:29 pm
Roberto-
That’s one of the dumbest policies I’ve ever heard in my life.
A GS policy. Wow. Glad you’re thinking differently about it.
Mark
January 17th, 2007 at 12:47 am
My co-worker at my new job, who participated in my interview, came up to me three months after I was hired to tell me she had just checked her mailbox for the first time in forever, and guess what, found a thank you card from me from my interview!!
I have interviewed several candidates and only one sent a thank you and it was via email. I guess times are changing…
January 17th, 2007 at 1:09 am
FIGHT THE FUTURE!
Grace and class never go out of style. The black dress that Audrey Hepburn wore in Breakfast at Tiffany’s (if ever there were an American icon of classy style, she was it) recently sold for nearly a million dollars.
And if you really want to impress… use a fountain pen.
Mark
January 17th, 2007 at 1:13 am
Wow! I clearly remember getting a handwritten thank-you note from a former client who had been laid off, and had come in to “interview” with us to fulfiill his unemployment requirements. It made such an impression on me, that I pinned it to my bulletin board as a reminder of what a nice impression it can make.
Ever since, I began sending a lot of handwritten notes. After I interviewed for my current position, I sent a handwritten thank-you note. My (now) boss was shocked - he’d never gotten one before! I was taught it was required after an interview.
Thanks for all you do. I have really learned a lot.
January 17th, 2007 at 1:50 am
Kathleen-
Our pleasure.
I have a BIN of thank you cards under my desk. When I’m having a bad day, I reach in there and suddenly I’m not such a schmuck.
Would you believe we have a cast coming up on how to write one?
Of COURSE you would!
Mark
January 17th, 2007 at 3:09 am
“don’t be so busy that you act as if these things you want are due to you. They are not.”
I could not agree more! Too many people appear to have a sense of entitlement. This really bothers me. Unfortunately, this trend seems to get worse each year. What happened to having to work for something?!
Mark and Mike, My turn has come to heartily extend a “Thank You!” for everything. The value you provide is certainly nothing any of us are entitled to receive. You make spending time “together” quite a pleasure.
–Mark S.
January 17th, 2007 at 6:34 am
Last year I had serveral discussions with friends about this point. I have the feeling that these days a lot of people measure the value of something they get from other people in the amount of money they have to pay for it. So it seams to be necessary to ask for money if you will show the value of something. I hate this idea. But I made serveral experiences where I only gather reproaches instead of thank or the people whom I give training don’t come regular to the training sessions.
After one really nasty experience I heard the podcast about building a Network. This and these posts here gave me the hope that there are other peple out there who don’t have allways a dollar sign in there eyes.
So I could say: Thank you to all of you
Judith
January 17th, 2007 at 9:17 am
A few weeks back I gave a talk to some members of my church congregation. The talk was on understanding how others see us through some basic learning on the DISC behavioural styles. I did it for the fun of it and to be able to share some of my knowledge and experience around this topic. What made it for me - apart from the fun I had presenting it - was that several people came up afterwards (in the days and weeks afterwards) and thanked me for it.
It’s not any monetary or physical gift, it’s the knowledge that you made a difference to someone enough that they thanked you for it.
I firmly believe that it’s the same for your employees, peers and bosses - sure the money is needed but treating them as the humans they are and thanking them for their work just might make their day…
January 17th, 2007 at 10:37 am
I absolutely agree with you!!!
And, just in case, thank you for MT… after more than a year listening to podcasts, it still is my most trusted resource!
kind regards
Diogo Garrido
January 17th, 2007 at 10:56 am
Mark
Thank you for your MT efforts and the input you are having on my learning.
With regards to fountain pens you are so right. I love pens and use a Dunhill fountain pen every chance I get, do you have any views on ink colour?
Edmund
January 17th, 2007 at 11:45 am
Mark,
I watched a video of your 2005 presentation to the MBA class at Kellogg the other day and was very impressed!
These future “Queens and Kings” of industry are reflecting the huge and increasing gap between the have and have-nots in the world today. When you tell them that it is privilege to ………… , they say “of course it is” and probably think you owe them a thank you.
Good decision!
David
January 17th, 2007 at 1:50 pm
Thanks for pointing that out and reminding us how important it is. It is definitely a habit that I have been trying to develop.
I learned from one of the best. I have been privileged to get to know the CEO and founder of a very influential PR agency here in town that handles huge companies that we all have heard of. After our first lunch together, where I should have been thanking him for taking time out of his busy day, I received a hand written note before I even shot off the thank you email I was going to write. He must have had it in the mail that day after he left our lunch because it was at my house just two days later. It really gave me a reality check of how important and just plain good it is to treat other people that way.
Thanks
Josh
January 17th, 2007 at 4:18 pm
Mark,
The “thank you” note is such an essential of business. I keep a box of “thank you” cards in my desk at my finger tips. When I get a referral for a new client, as soon as that client leaves my office, I send a card. There are some people who get one of these cards every other week and they all look the same. Maybe it is repatative, but then again, my business is keeping the lights, the employees fed and making sure the boss gets a paycheck.
This would make a good podcast. I’m sure you have some four step process to an effective “thank you”.
Thank you.
January 17th, 2007 at 4:55 pm
A great post and idea for a podcast.
I would be interested to hear what a professional “thank you” note looks like and possibly, where to get some in bulk. Looking at local stores, they are hard to find. Looking online, I can’t seem to find anything plain, simple, and professional looking.
Thanks.
January 17th, 2007 at 6:09 pm
Hi,
l want to say that in my opinion you two are spoiled with thank you emails, l ve sent you at least three, just to tell you how much l loved your podcast!!!
but l totally understand what you re saying, in my company, it’s an exception when you get a thank you.
But thank you again for your work
Tellement pertinent et utile!
January 17th, 2007 at 11:23 pm
I found out years ago that I was the only person who sent thank you cards after Christmas bonuses every year. I always sent them, and always reminded my employees that it would be a good idea.
I’ve always believed that saying “thank you” today makes it easier for the person you thank to say “yes” next time I ask them something. I know I’m more prone to help someone who appreciated my help in the past.
January 17th, 2007 at 11:56 pm
Edmund-
Surely none other than blue or black for a gentleman or a lady.
Mark
January 17th, 2007 at 11:59 pm
Eric-
Oh, yeeessssss we do. Soon, too, I think.
Mark
January 18th, 2007 at 12:47 am
I just wrote a Thank You note based on Manager-Tools recommendation.
Bad news though … my handwriting now sucks since I’ve rarely used it.
I’m going to start doing my own version of handwriting homework when my oldest son is working on it.
Steve
January 18th, 2007 at 2:32 am
I understand your frustration about the Thank You note. I just was recently hired to a new company and sent a Thank You note to everyone that I met during my interview process as well as the person that told me about the position. After I was hired I was having lunch with my boss and the CEO and we were discussing my interview process and they said the Thank You note was the determining factor in my being hired. They said I was the only applicant that sent a Thank You note to them as well as the person recommended me for the position.
I think I remember a couple of wise teachers saying that in a podcast at one time.
Thanks
January 18th, 2007 at 8:10 am
Mark-
I agree with Black ink but personally hate using blue ink, I must admit I currently have brown ink in my fountain pen which gives a sense of old world charm.
Edmund
January 18th, 2007 at 4:37 pm
Edmund, I agree with you on fountain pens. (we are going to start sounding snobby if we aren’t careful). I write better, feel more elloquent and all when I write with a fountain pen. It is even more fun when you make your own. I have been doing that for the last few years. Haven’t tried brown ink, though. That does sound interesting. Cheers!
January 18th, 2007 at 5:42 pm
I would love to learn how to make a fountain pen, what a skill.
Edmund
January 22nd, 2007 at 5:36 pm
I was really surprised when I read your remark regarding not receiving any thank you notes for your presentation. I was always taught that this was a matter of civility and decorum. I have only been a manager for four years, but have really learned the value of a “thank you” note to directs. I have even started adding ribbons to the bottom of the notes once I saw that staff were putting their thank you notes on their cubicle walls.
In this vein, I would like to thank both of you for the terrific information that you dispense on a weekly basis. I can’t tell you how much I am learning from your podcasts, even though I have only been a participant for about two months. The information on feedback and O3s has never been revealed to me by other managers, which tells me that your teachings are long overdue. Thank you for your desire to help others. I only wish that this information was made available back in 2003. Keep up the great work.
January 22nd, 2007 at 5:45 pm
Mark and Mike, Many Thanks! and even better: It’s practically free to send a thank you note (i’m still a dutchman) …
January 23rd, 2007 at 10:48 am
Tiger-
Thanks. We HAD the information in 03, but no way to deliver it. Now we do!
Mark
January 23rd, 2007 at 10:49 am
Robert-
Our pleasure.
And.. do I read your note to mean that there Dutchmen are characteristically frugal?
Mark
January 25th, 2007 at 10:50 am
While waiting for Mark and Mike to weigh in, I found this helpful: “How to write the perfect, honest thank-you note” in six easy steps.
April 12th, 2007 at 7:47 am
Hey Mark,
I will start off by apologizing for not taking a moment to thank you for your response to my emails, and for all the great work that is being done by Manager - Tools.
Our “corporate world” of today is one of personal responsibility for ones career and an ever increasing position (taken by some companies) that the individual find their own development tools including sometimes having to pay out of pocket.
I have found the information provided and the topics addressed in your podcasts to be insightful, valuable and practical.
Thank You,
Max
April 12th, 2007 at 8:53 pm
Max-
Our pleasure.
Mark
May 29th, 2007 at 10:36 am
Mark,
I really appreciate your article on thank you notes. I know it was written a while ago and this is a bit of a late response but I just found your site. I have a friend and a customer who is very generous. He frequently gives me extravagant dinners or even entire vacations. One time, after I had gotten the gift and forgot to send the thabnk you note, I was embarrassed. Well, the friend invited me once again to another trip. IN the car on the way there with a third fellow, I brought up the fact that I was embarassed by my failure to send a note of thanks. I lamented that it had been so long that I felt it was too late to send the note now. The other friend pointed out that while it would have been better to send the note immediately after the gift was received, a note any time after is always accepted and even more appreciated. It reminds the gver that the gift was remembered and appreciated.
Needless to say, when I got home I sent two thank you notes. One to the guy who gave me the gift and another to the fellow who gave me the advice.
Mark, thank YOU for this service you provide to us who you don’t even know.
Thom in Jacksonville
May 30th, 2007 at 1:29 pm
Thom-
It’s our pleasure. Thanks for YOUR thank you note!
It’s a privilege to serve you.
Mark
June 7th, 2007 at 5:30 am
Mike and Mark,
Today is one of those days! I was feeling a bit low and my heart was not in my work. I was browsing the net and happened to see this site.
I am really amazed by everything this site has to offer. After a long time I have visited a site which is so rich in content and relevant with my role.
This is my first day at manager-tools.com and this is my first post. And what can be a better way than to Thank You - Mike and Mark - for this wonderful site.
I thank you from the bottom of my heart. This site is a great example of the your noble act of serving the community.
And let me assure you, there will be people who will not thank you, there will be people who will not appreciate you…..but there will always be people like me who will admire you, appreciate you and thank you….always.
Aditya
June 7th, 2007 at 2:42 pm
Aditya-
A humble thank you for your gracious note. We have those days too, and we are honored that we are able to help you through one of yours.
You are welcome here… and you are welcome.
Respectfully,
Mark
June 8th, 2007 at 7:03 am
Thanks Mark
Regards,
Aditya