How NOT To Apologize
Now that the US election is nominally over (the polls are closed), no one can realistically accuse me of a political bent by using a political figure's TERRIBLE example of how NOT to deliver a genuine apology.
Here it is:
"I sincerely regret that my words were misinterpreted to wrongly imply anything negative about those in uniform, and I personally apologize to any service member, family member or American who was offended,"
This is a TEXTBOOK wrong answer. First, he says he regrets what YOU did, by misinterpreting him. CLASSIC!Â
Further, you are WRONG to suggest that he implied... And THEN, he says that he apologizes only to those who were offended, suggesting that they were wrong yet again to draw that inference.
 He did both an "I apologize IF," AND an, "I apologize YOU."
I think this may be the PERFECT non apology.
If you think you're being clever by apologizing like this, you're not. You're just insulting those to whom you're supposed to be humbling yourself before. A good apology feels good for EVERYONE.
Horstman's Third Law: You're Not That Smart, and We're Not That Dumb.
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Mark, so glad you finally commented on
Mark, so glad you finally commented on that! When it happened I chomping at the bit to comment myself but waited in suspense to see your thoughts. Totally agree... such a terrible apology.
ok - ok - it's barely an apology - I
ok - ok - it's barely an apology - I agree. he should have thought before he opened his mouth - both times.
I love it. I discussed this "apology"
I love it. I discussed this "apology" with my wife, and contrasted it to your suggestions. I almost posted last week, but decided not to as I didn't want to start a political debate thread. Hilarious!
Craig.
Hi Folks, I am new to the board. Hello!
Hi Folks, I am new to the board. Hello!
Sorry my first post/comment is a rebuttal. :-)
I read this as a two pronged approach to apologizing. Please see my comments under each quote:
“I sincerely regret that my words were misinterpreted to wrongly imply anything negative about those in uniform..."
This first part is to respond to those who may have understood what he meant, but purposely decided to misinterpret his words, and attack his character.
“...I personally apologize to any service member, family member or American who was offended,â€
He also needed to comfort, and respond to those that were victims of the smear campaign on his character. Some folks who were offended only received the information about his comments from others, and in some cases they received first hand, but were mislead by the views of others, and therefore interpreted it wrongly. He felt the need to apologize directly to them.
At times we all are self critical, and are our best critics as to what we say. Yes, he could have taken a stance of innocence, but i believe his take on it was that of self reflection; maybe he could have said a different way so no one would have been able to misinterpret it.
Ratt
Ratt- Hello - welcome aboard! If
Ratt-
Hello - welcome aboard!
If you're defending an apology, it's not a good apology.
If one modifies one's delivery because of attacks, one is taking one's eye off the apology ball - which include humility and regret for one's actions, not regret for the response of others.
You make the point well - apologies are SUPPOSED to be said in a way that no one could misinterpret them.
Consider:
Please accept my humblest apologies for my recent poorly considered comments. What I said was insensitive and incorrect, and I regret my error.
That leaves no doubt.
To say nothing of the fact that politicians are largely PAID to speak. They use nuance all the time. When politicians blow apologies, they intend to.
Mark
A bad apology cost the Republicans the
A bad apology cost the Republicans the Senate. Here's George Allen's non-apology re: his now famous "Macaca" comment http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9G7gq7GQ71c.
"I would never want to demean him as an individual. I do apologize if he's offended by that. That was no way the point." -George Allen
Allen's campaign manager dismissed the issue with an expletive and insisted the senator has "nothing to apologize for,"
Okay, clearly I won't be using
Okay, clearly I won't be using political examples anymore, even if you're right, that's a bad apology.
Mark
Some of the responses seem to betray a
Some of the responses seem to betray a political bent on the part of the commenter... Hopefully your employees are more obtuse, so they can't glean your political preferences. And paraphrasing one of Mark's laws, they aren't that dumb. Neither are your managers.
WVH- Well
WVH-
Well said!
Mark
Okay, here's am apoloitcal
Okay, here's am apoloitcal example...
In honor of Veteran's Day, the film "Patton" played on television Saturday. I know that Mark didn't see it, because he eschews TV. But, I must confess to having watched it for a few minutes (although when it was originally released, I went to the theater and PAID to see it more times that I'm willing to admit). I happened to tune it at the scene where LtGen Patton slaps the soldier in the aid station. He is later ordered to publicly apologize.
The scene at which he delivers what is decidedly a NON-apology is quite instructive for our purposes. In fact, he offers comments as an "explanation" for his approach in dealing with the soldier's "cowardly behavior." He does eventually use the word "apology," albeit in a tone of voice that does not disguise his disgust at the notion of showing any remorse for his behavior.
I saw it. I eschew TV, not great
I saw it. I eschew TV, not great movies. It won 7 Academy Awards!
And that is a good example of a bad apology.
Mark
"Some of the responses seem to betray a
"Some of the responses seem to betray a political bent on the part of the commenter… Hopefully your employees are more obtuse, so they can’t glean your political preferences. And paraphrasing one of Mark’s laws, they aren’t that dumb. Neither are your managers."
I am just trying to fully analyze both sides. So, politically, was his apology/non-apology appropriate?
I do understand the notion of 'an apology should just be an apology!' ...but for this, didn't he have to do a little more to defend himself?
If he had just apologized wouldn't it have hurt him more. In this case I still think he took a two-pronged approach....
....forgot to write, "Keep in
....forgot to write, "Keep in mind...this is a politician we are talking about!"
A truly humble and heartfelt apology is
A truly humble and heartfelt apology is so disarming in today's society, especially among politicians and managers, that they are always well received, and I can't think of a time where it would hurt us more to do so.
Were I advising a political candidate and he or she spoke a gaffe, while the rest of the team wrung their hands, I would be the one saying, "gee, welcome to the human race. NOW we can show who we are - time to apologize... THE RIGHT WAY."
And we'd win.
Mark
I meant to comment on this over a month
I meant to comment on this over a month ago but never got around to it. Mark, you're right on. Kerry stuck his foot in his mouth up to his knee TWICE. Clearly the Democratic party thought so too because he was pulled from the "playing field" shortly thereafter...
No need to pull any punches, Mark. Just keep telling it like it is.
Al