Accepting an Apology
October 16th, 2006Now that we all know how to apologize, it just wouldn’t do to not know how to accept an apology. Thanks to the growing scarcity of genuine apologies, the art of accepting one seems to be slipping away from us. Since our imperfect nature dooms us to continued errors, faults and failures, opportunities for apologies seem to stretch to the horizon. That means someone has got to accept them, because if an apology falls in the forest and no one hears it, it wasn’t an apology.
But how? What do we say? And why do say those things? And does that end the interlude? (you might be surprised to hear us say it may NOT).
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October 16th, 2006 at 9:09 pm
For those who are interested in some deep reading on the subject of apologies, I recommend Nicholas Tavuchis’ “Mea Culpa: a sociology of apology and reconciliation.” The ethics of truth in advertising dictate that I acknowledge Professor Tavuchis to be an acquaintance of mine. I have been a mentor to his son, in our profession, for several years. I must also point out that this book is not for the idly curious or faint of heart. It’s a very serious, heavily footnoted academic work on this rather obscure subject.
Len
October 17th, 2006 at 9:41 pm
Great, solid podcast. Seemed fairly straight forward and almost a no brainer after last week’s. Thanks guys!
January 14th, 2007 at 12:51 am
Mark/Mike,
In either this or the previous podcasts about giving an apology (I’m still trying to catch up!), Mark asked something along the lines of: “If my “evil” side is labeled “Dark Mark”, what label would work for Mike? What rhymes with Mike?” My submission for the record is “Spike Mike”. You heard it hear first.
Al
January 14th, 2007 at 2:23 am
Al-
We’ll see what he says…
Mark
February 26th, 2007 at 9:53 pm
With the spate of insincere apologies, I’m increasing reluctant to accept what seem to be apologies more for being caught with bad behavior rather than actual remorse. My reluctance is grounded in my belief that “bad” actors who apologize when caught tend to interpret the acceptance as an “that’s OK” and use is as a green light to act out and then apologize again, as necessary.
In the past 3 weeks, my boss has twice voluntarily apologized for poor behavior and then followed his “apology” a day or two later with a comment that “jokingly” OKs his behavior and attempts to transfer the issue to me.
It’s a bit unnerving. I end up feeling manipulated and can’t decide what he’s getting out of his behavior.
March 22nd, 2007 at 1:42 am
Mary Ann-
He’s a jerk who gets to express his POWER over you.
And actual power is inversely proportional to how often you have to express it.
Mark
December 4th, 2007 at 4:26 pm
I agree what was expressed in an earlier blog about apologizing. If a sincere appology is offered it should be recipricated with a sincere response. I recently appologized to my boss for telling him I have lost all respect for him. The response that I received back is “next year is a new year”. What is that supposed to mean? This year is not over and reviews are coming up toward the end of December. I feel he may be implying that I will be seeing this on my review. UGH.
December 5th, 2007 at 7:55 am
Clreyn
I would suggest that your boss’s response regarding the new year is about starting fresh. Every year is a new year; next year is one too. Similarly, tomorrow is a new day. Personally, I would not take that to mean that he would be putting it into your review. Surely that would mean that he would be carrying this over to the new year, and it would not be a fresh start.
However, you know your boss better than anyone, so I may be seeing something different here than was intended
Mary