Micro-Communications — Part 2
February 13th, 2006Last week, we discussed the “Listening” side of communications. This week, we cover the other side, the “Responding” side. Of course, responding when you’re in agreement is the easy part. However, how do you respond when you disagree or there is potential conflict? That, my friend, is what this week’s podcast is about!
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March 22nd, 2006 at 1:10 am
Hi, Mark!! I had some time to listen to some of your podcasts, and they’re fabulous! We’re currently having some issues with effective communication between our management team, and I came to the pro (you) for help. It was a great reminder to me of the key elements of effective listening and feedback. Thanks for offering these great solutions and for always helping others better themselves. You’re the best!
August 15th, 2006 at 12:47 pm
Hello Mark
I discovered your podcast a bit late (this is the reason why now in August I write a comment for your March edition!) and I find it simply wonderful. I am the typical guy with Technology background that always thought that people is far more complicate than Differential Equations
, so not really interested to be a Manager or have directs (even when I had no chance). Now with your podcast my view has radically changed, now at least one have some tools and guidance about how to start!.
(By the way, sorry for my English, I am not native speaker).
I have a question about the Part 2 of this Micro-Communications podcast. I think I understand well the idea to respond avoiding conflict, something like “Thanks, I understand your proposal, and in fact I tried to implement the same solution some time ago, and here is what I found…”.
Sketch:
1. Thanks
2. “Recognition” (is that good English?)
3. Reference to previous case
4. What happened
My concern is that this kind of response seems to be based almost 100% in experience. What happens if I can’t find any similar case in my previous professional or life experience to be used as example?. Can you put the “Respond” model with other words relying less in experience?.
Thanks for your great great podcast
Eduard
October 29th, 2006 at 10:01 pm
Wow, this was very good too. I saw myself in several ¨bad meetings¨because I was drag in to confrontations without having the right tools. Regards,
March 28th, 2007 at 2:58 pm
Wow!
I listened to the Micro-Communications podcasts with great interest. You offer great and practical advice. Just to give something back and maybe complete the material a little bit more, I’d like to mention the use of “Paraphrasing” as well.
Paraphrasing is a potent and powerful technique. For example, if people in a meeting are making suggestions and you want to offer an alternative to their suggestions (in this first case you’re not necessarily disagreeing with them), you need to paraphrase their suggestions before offering your own suggestion. This way you are letting people know that you’ve heard and considered their thoughts first.
The second case is about when you are going to actually disagree. If you use this valuable tool and paraphrase before disagreeing, others won’t feel that you’ve already made up your mind, or you’ve misunderstood their idea.
Some other important points to remember:
Be sensitive to a “paraphrased question” or a “rhetorical question” even if there is no explicit disagreement following it. For example, “So you want to send in these charts?” Note that the disagreement may be there, but the speaker for one reason or another (tact, etc.) is not expressing it directly.
This reminds me of a TV series BBC had produced many years ago, called “Yes, Minister!” and later on “Yes, Prime Minister!” The stories were about constant conflicts between the politically appointed Minister and his career government deputy. At one point the Minister decides to preface his new idea by “I have decided to make ….such and such changes” where his deputy responds with: “Sir, is this your final decision?!!”
December 8th, 2007 at 7:28 pm
Hi Mark/Mike,
I am one of those awful managers who sends emails at 3am in the morning. However I never expect a response at that time. In fact I was quite horrified when a CLIENT rang me at 6am in the morning in response to an email I had just sent him. I am fortunate that I can dictate my own hours, and, is it the trait of a geek, sometimes my most productive hours are in the middle of the night. If I remember, I have started to set the OPTIONS so the email does not go out until the next day at the start of work hours, in case, as you suggest I am creating attention deficit disorders and undue stress out there. Just cause I am productive at that time, I don’t expect you to be… Interesting, for a number of reasons, including the early morning call, I actually culled the CLIENT who called at 6am, I said that we did not have the resources to service their requirements. They were simply causing my small business too much stress, it was a relief to see them go!
Thank-you & looking forward to seeing you in Australia NOV 2009,
ANISE
December 8th, 2007 at 9:59 pm
Anise-
Great post! So many “geeks” talk about being productive in the middle of the night…if only it were really true.
Glad you’ve made the slight change in email habits… go for the next step when you’re ready.
We’re thrilled to be headed to Sydney.
Mark
December 9th, 2007 at 9:36 pm
Ouch!
December 11th, 2007 at 1:43 am
Anise-
Elaboration…?
December 11th, 2007 at 8:35 am
Ouch - you were reminding me that I probably should not be staying up in the middle of the night - so I am not going to make excuses - like that I am a mum - and pick up my kids from school - and spend from 3pm - 8pm with them, and then work late into the night around their schedule - because that would be wrong!
I know - I am working on it.
December 14th, 2007 at 6:04 pm
Anise-
I’m cool with that plan.
My point wasn’t specifically about you, but rather about the widespread belief that any time of day is the same as any other in terms of value and quality output. I see far too many IT people thinking they are essentially getting extra hours out of the day by working past midnight…the problem is that NO humans think well then (it really isn’t your fault), and it takes far longer to do things other than those that are mindless. And email is one of the most cognitively intensive things we do.
Mark
December 15th, 2007 at 10:56 pm
From my own experience the reason I found the late night so productive is because nobody was around to bug me. After reading a dozen time management books I implemented the following, to various degrees, to get time back.
* Close the door if you have one.
* Close the door if you aren’t in customer support and are required to answer the phone.
If you don’t have a door then one colleague of mine put up a cord across the opening of his cubicle with the words “Do not Disturb” on it.
I do know some people that really only need four hours of sleep a night and you may be one of them.
Take care of yourself and don’t forget to dream.
Kevin Sweeney
December 15th, 2007 at 11:46 pm
Interruptions are caused by the one being interrupted, just as communication is what the listener does.
Mark